Cops Have a Beef With Mad Trucker

Two days earlier, he’d made off with four cases of Cristal, though of an apparently inferior vintage, valued at $3,109.30.

Mercifully, neither mad-cow nor foot-and-mouth disease have yet hit our sparkling shores. But the city nonetheless suffered a meat-related meltdown on April 9.

A tractor-trailer carrying a shipment of meat whether it was chopped meat, prime rib, T-bone, New York strip or sirloin the cops couldn’t say for sure hit an overpass as it was exiting the Queens-bound 59th Street Bridge at 10:10 a.m. The impact tore open the top of the trailer, exposing the meat to the elements and inconveniencing motorists for approximately one hour as the NYPD’s Emergency Service Unit and the Department of Transportation removed debris from the exit ramp.

While the debris apparently didn’t include any cuts of beef, prime or otherwise, the Department of Health nonetheless responded to the scene and condemned the whole shipment. The operator of the vehicle, who wasn’t injured during the incident, was issued summonses for disobeying traffic control and driving a truck exceeding the 33-foot limit on a roadway that wasn’t designated as a truck route. The Sanitation Department was also notified and was said to have responded to the scene to pick up the condemned beef.

Bubbly Bandit

Champagne and in particular, Cristal Champagne is one of those crossover beverages, appealing not just to the carriage but also to the stolen-vehicle trade, as the folks at Sherry-Lehmann, the upscale spirits merchant at 679 Madison Avenue, discovered on April 12.

A repeat customer (he’d also visited two days earlier) arrived at around 1 p.m. and attempted to purchase two cases of 1995 Louis Roederer Cristal Champagne worth $4,3218.80. Unfortunately, his platinum credit card had a stop on it, and the champagne enthusiast departed empty-handed in a white Nissan Pathfinder but not before a store worker managed to jot down his license plate.

The reason for the employee’s perspicacity undoubtedly had something to do with the fact that the same perp visited the store two days earlier on a far more successful mission. On that date, April 10, the same credit card went through and he’d made off with four cases of Cristal, though of an apparently inferior vintage, valued at $3,109.30. On that occasion, he was seen leaving in a burgundy Astro van.

Suspecting that the customer had not merely forgotten to mail his credit-card payment, the store lodged a grand-larceny complaint with the 19th Precinct.

Couples Therapy

It’s customary, perhaps even chivalrous in certain quarters, for a guy to beat the crap out of you when you insult his girlfriend. But it’s slightly more unusual for both him and his date to pile on you as was apparently the case at Finnegans Wake, a bar on First Avenue and 73rd Street, on March 30.

One of the establishment’s clients told the cops that he was emerging from the men’s room when he was confronted by a male he knew as Jimmy and his girlfriend, Jenny. “You owe my girlfriend an apology,” Jimmy allegedly stated, though for what the police didn’t reveal.

The complainant begged to differ, replying, “I don’t think so.”

But Jimmy and Jenny insisted, and one of them the victim admitted it was as likely the latter as the former struck him on the left ear with a glass bottle, causing a laceration to the back of the ear. When the cops responded to the scene, the perps had apparently fled, but a shard of glass from the altercation remained on the complainant’s shoulder as evidence.

The victim, a West 82nd Street man, was removed to the 19th Precinct, where E.M.S. responded and treated his wound.

Chivalry Is Dead

While we’re on the subject of chivalry, a 29-year-old woman was picking up her bags from the street as she was about to enter a cab at 86th Street and Lexington Avenue on April 5 when a gentleman or somebody impersonating one rushed over and assisted her with her burden.

After she reached her destination at Amsterdam Avenue and 74th Street and got out of the cab, the rider discovered that a gratuity had been added to her fare not by the cabby, but by the guy who had helped her with her bags back on the East Side. Her Samsung mobile phone, valued at $200, had been removed from her pocket she strongly suspects by her self-appointed porter.

Defensive Doorman

Anybody who thinks the typical Upper East Side doorman won’t get off his ass apparently hasn’t met the staff at Delmonico’s at 502 Park Avenue. A West 17th Street resident told the police that he was walking past the historic hotel at 2:45 p.m. on April 16 when he accidentally bumped into the establishment’s doorman, literally.

The fellow, described as wearing a black-and-green uniform, apparently didn’t think the tap was unintentional either that or he’d been asked to hail one too many cabs that day.

He allegedly pushed the pedestrian from behind, causing him to fall to the sidewalk and suffer a 1[1/2]-inch laceration to the top of his head. The victim filed an assault complaint against his adversary at the 19th Precinct.

Easter Bunny Bandit

Stores typically slash prices on Easter candy by 50 percent or more the day after that festive holiday. But they’re not willing to give the sweets away outright, as one shoplifter discovered when he visited the Food Emporium at 1066 Third Avenue on April 16.

The suspect, a 26-year-old Flushing, Queens, resident, helped himself to $17.78 worth of Taster’s Choice coffee and two Cadbury caramel eggs valued at $4.38. As he was leaving the store, an employee and one decidedly not dressed in a bunny outfit grabbed and detained him until the police arrived.