October 10 – October 17, 2001

Wednesday 10th

Haditwith”inspirational” e-mails about the W.T.C. tragedy? We hate to be churlish, but things are painful enough without everyone blitzing their friends and acquaintances with “deep thoughts” and supposedly “inside scoops from this girl I know who works for Diane Sawyer” about what’s coming next. Are you like us, so that your finger automatically moves toward the Delete button when you see an e-mail titled “You have to read this!”? Still, you’re probably better off wading through those e-mails than wading through Manhattan tonight, where the indefatigable and now even scarier Hilton sisters, Paris and Nicky , don their version of sober chic (see nipple shots in this month’s Allure ) at F.A.O. Schwarz for a New Yorkers for Children benefit which was originally scheduled for Sept. 12. Proceeds go toward children affected by the Sept. 11 catastrophe. This just in! Those other “naughty” sisters, Plum, Lucy and Alice Sykes , have apparently rented a nice little secluded cottage near Woodstock. The British invasion continues! Meanwhile, novelist and madman William T. Vollmann-the only man in modern American literature with the guts to sport a bowl haircut-reads from his big new book, Argall , in Chelsea … but chances are the talk will turn to Afghanistan, where he spent some time reporting.

[New Yorkers for Children, F.A.O. Schwarz, Fifth Avenue and 58th Street, 4 p.m., 243-0976; William T. Vollmann, Barnes & Noble, 675 Sixth Avenue, 7 p.m., 727-1227.]

In times like these, if you’re Eight-Day Week special correspondent George Gurley, you turn to American history (with a chaser of Valium) to steady yourself …. Tonight, he tells us, the Madison Avenue Bookshop uncorks some Sonoma-Loeb chardonnay for former Danish ambassador John Loeb Jr. (yes, it’s his family’s wine) to celebrate a book he didn’t write but, well, bankrolled, titled The Levy Family and Monticello 1834-1923: Saving Thomas Jefferson’s House . “In my view, the unsung hero-and, really, America’s first great preservationist-is Commodore Uriah Phillips Levy, an interesting gentleman who was also America’s first Jewish admiral,” said Mr. Loeb. “I’ve always been interested in patriotic organizations, because some of my family fought in the American Revolution and every other war, and I think this is a time to honor our unsung American heroes .” Yankee Doodle Dandy!

[Madison Avenue Bookshop, 69th Street and Madison, 5:30 to 8:30 p.m., 535-6130.]

Thursday 11th

You say DeLillo: Wake up today and gird yourself for a heap of “one-month-later”reflections,culminatingtonight when The New Yorker hosts “Beyond Words,” a night of readings to benefit the Sept. 11th Fund; readers include filmmaker Woody Allen,reclusive author DonDeLilloandgorgeousgoofballJohn Updike -essentially enough wattage to power acruiseshiptoBali-but what about really doing justice to the concept of “Beyond Words” and have a benefit in which everyfreelance writer in Brooklyn promises to shut up for two hours? We’d pay big bucks for that! Meanwhile,otherliteraryhotshots-

author Pat Conroy, agent Esther Newberg and political writer Joe Klein-host a book party for former Newsday cartoonist Doug Marlette’s first novel, The Bridge , about a … fired newspaper cartoonist. We called Mr. Marlette in Charlotte, N.C., and got a friend who said he was “napping, but the book is

reallygreat.”Getoffyourcan,buster, you’ve got a book to sell!

[Beyond Words, Town Hall, 123 West 43rd Street, 8 p.m., 307-4100; Doug Marlette, Society of

Illustrators, 128 East 63rd Street, 6 p.m., by invitation only, 838-2560.]

Friday 12th

Life Is LaBute-iful? Not exactly. But the new Neil LaBute play, The Shape of Things , starring cutie Paul Rudd-whom you remember as Alicia Silverstone’s love interest in Clueless -opens tonight. Up on the silver screen, you’ve got Catherine Breillat’s new drama, A Ma Soeur! , which has been elegantly, diligently translated into English as Fat Girl . The plot: gorgeous 15-year-old French girl deflowered at seaside resort by handsome Italian; her parents find out; the baguettes go flying!

[ The Shape of Things , Promenade Theatre, 2162 Broadway, 8 p.m., 580-1313; Fat Girl , 777-FILM.]

Saturday 13th

More proof that the Museum of Natural History is secretly angling for something as glam and swanky as the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute galas: Today, every New Yorker’s favorite place to look at dioramas and a big whale opens a splashy exhibition of pearls- ya got yer Polynesian Pinctada oysters, yer Chinese mussels, yer Caribbean Queen Conch and, of course, yer Horse Conch and Giant Clam … plus glamorous pearl jewelry and pearly fashions. Meanwhile, pearl of a cartoonist and nonagenarian Al Hirschfeld-that’s right, the guy who drives you crazy looking for the Ninas in his New York Times drawings-gets a sensible tribute at the Museum of the City of New York.

[Pearls, American Museum of Natural History, Central Park West at 79th Street, 10 a.m., 769-5100; Al Hirschfeld, Museum of the City of New York, 1220 Fifth Avenue, 10 a.m., 534-1672.]

Sunday 14th

Speaking of Brits-after Prime Minister Tony Blair’s wonderful and rousing speech on behalf of the U.S., all the Brits living in New York have been asked by their American pals, “Why are you still sleeping on my couch, stealing my pocket change while I sleep, drinking all my booze and constantly whining about America whenever you attend a dinner party?” Said house guests rouse themselves today for “UK with NY,” a spectacle which has been planned for months and months . Eat some extra kippers this morning, to be ready for a two-week schedule-or, as Brits like to pronounce it, “shed-ule”-of 65 theatrical performances, 26 concerts, 17 dance programs, 28 readings, 32 seminars and-be afraid, be very afraid-47 “food and beverage related” events . Prince Andrew-the one who married Fergie-is going to attend tomorrow’s Rockefeller Center ice-rink grand opening. “He’s not gonna skate,” said former Olympian JoJo Starbuck. “I certainly offered-he would probably love it-but he’s doing a royal duty.” Of course.

[www.ukinny.com for details.]

Monday 15th

Gore girl resurfaces: In case you hadn’t noticed, the Gore family, under the tutelage of jumbo Al, has been making themselves over into a bunch of sensitive hippies(cue soundtrackof worldmusic). Tonight,lawyerandsupermom KarennaGore-Schiff -who madeherselfscarcefromall her dad’s photo ops as soon as it became clear he wasn’t gonna be President-eschews the big Whitneygala,putsonaPutamayoskirtandhitstherescheduled benefit for Trickle Up, anorganization that helps impoverishedpeoplearoundtheworldstartbusinesses. Evening’shighlight: sneak previewofaPBS seriesprofiling TrickleUp… Meanwhile, memo to the Bush twins : The Windows on the World wine school is soldiering on at the Marriott Marquis; the first class begins tonight, with “White Wines of France”! Also today: The first issue of Harper’s Bazaar under new editor in chief Glenda Bailey begins floating around New York.

[Trickle Up, Tribeca Grill, 375 Greenwich Street,

7 p.m., 941-3900; Windows on the World Wine School, 1535 Broadway, 6:30 p.m., 845-255-1456.]

Tuesday 16th

Kiss me, Katie! InStyle editors are in a total quandary tonight, because there’s this benefit for which a bunch of famous folk (Giorgio Armani, Donna Karan, Oprah Winfrey, Robert De Niro, David Bowie, Janet Jackson, Jason Alexander, Julia Child, Liza Minnelli) designed some masks that will be auctioned off for children’s charities. (Don’t even think about bidding on the Liza mask;

our big-cheese editor has already made his

move …. ) Later, NBC patootie Katie Couric hosts a screening and dinner gala-all “comfort food,” we were assured, which can only mean a big steaming heap of mashed potatoes-to benefit Project A.L.S., the Lou Gehrig’s disease charity. Sheryl Crow, freed from the seedy clutches of Kid Rock, performs-will she be in her Gucci phase or her blue-collar babe phase?

[Masks, Gallery in the Sky, 44 West 28th Street, penthouse, 6 p.m., 685-6789; Project A.L.S. screening, Loews Astor Plaza, 1515 Broadway, dinner to follow, Roseland, 239 West 52nd Street, 873-4652.]

Back to Le Cirque! We think it’s O.K. by now … Tonight there’s a book party there with a lot of big shots, like Mario Cuomo (whatever you do, don’t ask him about his son Andrew’s chances of unseating George “Patriot” Pataki), for William O’Shaughnessy, who’s the big broadcast man out in West-chester-or as he likes to call it, the “Golden Apple.” The book is called It All Comes Back to Me Now . We tracked Mr. O’Shaughnessy, 63, down in Sun Valley, Idaho, panting a little after a 15-mile bike ride, and asked for his interview secrets. “Ossie Davis-who I think is one of my saints-says, ‘You leave them alone.’ I don’t try to fill in all the gaps; sometimes the pauses or silences are eloquent. I just look for rich souls -you know, great richness of spirit and souls. I look for colorful characters: people on the make, peddling ideas, peddling concepts. A lot of money and influence reside in Westchester … sooner or later they all come through, including wannabe Senators and ex-Presidents.” Oh, he’s got some zingers all right!

[Le Cirque 2000, 455 Madison Avenue, 6 p.m., by invitation only, 914-235-3279.]

Wednesday 17th

Are you one of the brave folks huddling out there in the Hamptons? If so, you can hop over to the Hamptons International Film Festival , which opens today with features, documentaries and shorts, the seats filled with trust-funded young Hollywood hopefuls in tattersall shirts, Velcro’d messenger bags, soul patches and black-rimmed glasses. Hey, it’s not easy to take home a Golden Starfish award!

[66 Newtown Lane, East Hampton, http://www.hamptonsfilmfest.org, 631-329-3920.]