Eight Day Week

Wednesday 2nd

Ravel revel! Face it, folks, it’s fall, and we have the evidence : smell of burning leaves and burning ambition filling the air; dawning interest in root vegetables ; alarming plethora of highbrow cultural events …. Tonight, button up those boleros for Carnegie Hall’s opening-night gala , with Maurice Ravel’s lovely Rapsodie Espagnole and the lesser-known Manuel de Falla’s Nights in the Gardens of Spain performed by conductor-pianist Daniel (“Boom Boom”) Barenboim and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra (what, they couldn’t get local talent?). And speaking of local musical talent, does anyone else fail to give a hoot about the Strokes and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs et al.? It seems like this new music “revolution” is just the latest province of the sons and daughters of the idle rich , a style choice that doesn’t contain any genuine socio-political agitation ….

[Carnegie Hall opening night, 57th Street between Sixth and Seventh avenues, 7 p.m., 247-7800.]

Celebrity mags spend cash: If you have that trashy, summer-leftovers feeling , fear not: Entertainment Weekly magazine, in what seems like a limp bid to out– Vanity Fair Vanity Fair , is celebrating its annual “Photo Issue” in Soho; they thought it would be a cute idea to get some famous people, like the paunchy and grating and falsely “empowering” singer Pink , to snap some pictures-she did one of her foot-that will be auctioned off to benefit the 52nd Street Project, a children’s-theater charity in Hell’s Kitchen. (The real Entertainment Weekly action , however, will be tomorrow night, when the teary staff kisses goodbye to longtime managing editor, secret classics enthusiast and genuine sweetheart Jim Seymore at the he-man steak house Maloney & Porcelli. Gift-wrap him some bourbon.) Meanwhile , uptown , a new party-picture magazine called Gotham throws a party for Chuck Zito , the former boxer , Hell’s Angel and bodyguard-to-the-stars turned Oz actor , who’s produced a memoir, Street Justice . We found Mr. Zito , 49 , in New Rochelle , where he’s “getting ripped” in preparation for a forthcoming martial-arts fitness video, which he expects to be a big hit with housewives . “You don’t have to ride a motorcycle to know who Chuck Zito is,” he said. Who says we don’t ride a motorcycle? Stereotypes . And whom may we expect tonight? “Everybody, I mean all walks of life -I have bikers , I have celebrities , the Yankees are coming, the Mets , people from The Sopranos , Oz , Sex and the City , Joe Pesci , James Caan , Liza Minnelli , Pamela Andersen . Sean Penn , who wrote the foreword, is getting a private jet to come down. I’ll be arriving on a motorcycle with a 20-police-car escort , and I’ll be wearing a leather suit with python flames coming up the legs and the sleeves.” Damn, that’s what David Gest was gonna wear!

[ Entertainment Weekly party, the Apple Store, 103 Prince Street, 8 p.m., by invitation only, 888-625-2889; Chuck Zito party, China Club, 268 West 47th Street, 8 p.m., 674-5151.]

Thursday 3rd

Hello, sailors! Sudden benefit boom …. We can’t afford this thing, and we can’t figure out how you can, but the four-figure Rita Hayworth Gala for the Alzheimer’s Association , with its dress code of “black tie or Asian splendor,” is hoovering up an awful lot of socialites tonight-brace for Nina (“Slingshot”) Griscom and Kathy Hilton in cheongsams and wine columnist Jay McInerney in a kimono …. Meanwhile, in the somewhat more comfortable three-figure range, it’s the Soldiers’, Sailors’, Marines’ and Airmen’s Club’s Military Ball , honoring the Marines: white tie, black tie or military dress. “It’s pipes and drums and then a wonderful dinner,” said the club’s executive director, Martin Edelman. “It’s a fun, patriotic event with dancing and singing and some words of wisdom. The generals are going to be there all evening having a good time, and of course there will be the proper security.” We’ll dust off our epaulets ! If you’re just plain cheap : crash a book party at the Mary Boone Gallery . The book is called Unframed: Artists Respond to AIDS . Artists responding include the faves of every Radcliffe women’s-studies major, Barbara Kruger and Cindy Sherman .

[Rita Hayworth Gala, Waldorf-Astoria Grand Ballroom, 301 Park Avenue, 6:30 p.m. cocktails, dinner to follow, 843-1712; Military Ball, Plaza Hotel, 59th Street and Fifth Avenue, 6:30 p.m., 879-3397; Unframed book party, Mary Boone Gallery, 541 West 24th Street, 7 p.m., by invitation only, 924-3934, ext. 107.]

Friday 4th

Movie night! Mousy-glamorous star Mary-Louise Parker has busted out of Proof -that role’s now occupied by Anne Heche-and opening in both Red Dragon ( The Silence of the Lambs prequel) and Pipe Dream , a little New York romantic comedy about a plumber , also starring former Nox-

zema girl and vehicular-manslaughter convictee Rebecca Gayheart ….

Pipe Dream co-writer Cynthia Kaplan , who also has a small part in the film, told us, “I think there’s a very strong subtext to the movie. Here’s a plumber who feels he can never be seen as himself because being a plumber gets in the way . It’s about class in America, and how we pretend there isn’t such a thing as class.” Ms. Kaplan added that she found Ms. Parker “professional” and Ms. Gayheart “sweet-and a

little goofy.”

[777-FILM.]

Saturday 5th

The fall diet: Has anyone else noticed how one feels bloated and depressed all summer , but the second the equinox hits, you start feeling ” snappy ” and drop five pounds? Anyway, Central Park is to be skirted today as Self staffers (the strapping farm girls of Condé Nast ) kick-box and get henna tattoos for something called Workout in the Park . Kick-boxing and henna tattoos … um, is this press release from 1999? C’mon, Self, wake up!

[Workout in the Park, Rumsey Playfield,

10 a.m., 888-844-SELF.]

Sunday 6th

We say knitting is out , crocheting is in ! (And safer …. ) Meet Greenwich Village resident Lily Chin , Bronx Sci ’79, who’s crocheted for fancy designers like Isaac Mizrahi and Vera Wang . “It took five years off my life,” Ms. Chin said of her experience with the latter’s recent spring show. “She draws me a pretty picture , and then it’s semi-engineering and mathematics. It was a lot of work, but I loved seeing it on super models .” Today, she competes against some slattern from Britain for the world’s “fastest crocheter” record. “I don’t want to say I’m a shoo-in, but it looks like I’m the favored one,” Ms. Chin said. “I beat my own record twice …. I started out as pre-med, but it just did not speak to me; there was no soul . Nobody intends on going into this line of work, but how many other people can say that they are quote-unquote the fastest in something tangible? It’s like an Olympic gold medal or something. I may be a crocheter, but I think I’ve proven myself to be world-class . No matter what I’ve done, I’ve always tried to do my very damn best .” Sing it, sister!

[Union Square Park, noon, http://www.knit-out.com.

Monday 7th

Isaac Mizrahi fizzes!The

designer, who’s nicely rehabilitated himself into a flitty but natty (and strangely mesmerizing) TV lifestyle journalist and style commentator , pops up at the Frick for a champagne

reception honoring the San Francisco Ballet , which begins a six-day run at the City Center starting tomorrow …. Meanwhile, at the National Arts Awards gala, Gwyneth Paltrow ( Shallow Hal ) and Natalie Portman ( Star Wars ) do their skinny-ing énue thing.

[San Francisco Ballet reception, 1 East 70th Street, 6 p.m., by invitation only, 888-828-9889; National Arts Awards Gala, Cipriani's on 42nd Street, 6:30 p.m., 228-5555.]

Tuesday 8th

Nerd chic is back! Oh, so what if a Katrina Heron–less Wired magazine’s ad pages are down 43.75 percent from last year , according to the Publishers Information Bureau newsletter that our media columnist keeps waving heatedly around the office? Those bad boys are still going to put a brave face on it and hit the vodka tonics! Tonight, the Wired faithful host a book party for be spectacled Ben Mezrich , Harvard ’91, author of six thrillers, some under the name Holden Scott, and now Bringing Down the Hous e -a nonfiction book, though told in an irritating, novelistic style, about six M.I.T. nerds who took Vegas for millions …. Bonus “hard boiled” dirty excerpt from page 157: ” A waitress in a tight bustier brought us champagne and two glasses , and April waited for me to pour. While I fumbled with the bottle, she reached behind her back and undid her teddy. ‘Hold on,’ I said, ‘you don’t have to do that. I’m just here for research.’ ‘Sure you are.’ … The teddy came off.” The book has been optioned by inscrutable actor Kevin Spacey , who’s apparently coming tonight, fresh from his trip through South Africa with comedian Chris Tucker and former U.S. President Bill Clinton , who surely remained true to the Senator Missus even though he was 8,000 miles away , on the road with two movie stars …. We’ll stay home tonight, paging blankly through Real Simple -ad pages up 57.84 percent ….

[21 Club, 21 West 52nd Street, 6:30 p.m., by invitation only, 286-5274.]

Wednesday 9th

Bet you never thought you’d go on a Marlon Brando–themed walking tour! Well, there’s one today-though despite the actor’s girth, there is no culinary component, alas! “I think A Streetcar Named Desire is exquisite,” said tour operator Catherine M. Perebinossoff , who’s doing this for some quick cash while she sets up a luxury e-commerce company. “Some of the things he’s done lately have not been exquisite, to say the least. It’s a pity-he used to be an Adonis. I’m a repressed dancer,” Ms. Perebinossoff added, “and even though he’s humongous now, you can see he’s still so light on his feet. I don’t claim to be a Ph.D., but I did a lot of research -found out his thoughts on Lee Strasberg , about his pet raccoon , that he was an elevator operator at one point, that he lived in the same building as E.E. Cummings . Bring your MetroCard .” Hey, this is getting expensive.

[Tour meets at 155 West 58th Street, 11 a.m., 475-6914.]