Eight Day Week

Wednesday 13th

Brothers in armoires: O.K., are we at war or what ? Because while the rest of the country has turned Republican and while fashion editors are marching around officiously in Marc Jacobs peacoats and the modern workplace seems to be crawling with predator drones, we don’t exactly see any rationing or fireside chats , you know? But mass good taste is intact, as a 41,300-square-foot Crate & Barrel opens in the former Cable Building downtown, making sure the self-satisfied, tasteful couples that pour out of the Angelika have enough armoires, ottomans, convertible sofas …. Tonight, a preview party with the inevitable martini bar and drag queens; proceeds benefit DIFFA, a worthy AIDS charity. Meanwhile, Art & Auction magazine uncorks its “power” issue-’tis the season-at the new, 30,000-foot Chelsea Art Museum , a sort of boutique Whitney. “One of my staff went down there for a meeting yesterday and said they’re still hammering away,” said A&A editor in chief Bruce Wolmer with some concern. “I hope they can get it done-otherwise it will be a rave!” Wrong century, Brucie!

[Crate & Barrel store opening, corner of Broadway and Houston, 7 p.m., $50 a

ticket, 367-6937; Chelsea Art Museum opening, 556 West 22nd Street, 7 p.m.,

by invitation only, 255-0719.]

Before Paulie Walnuts … Citywide Sopranos fixation reaching near saturation point, hel- lo : The AMC channel , a once-reliable source for Cary Grant movies which is now trying to be “hip,” hosts a panel discussion about Goodfellas …. The panel will be led by the movie’s author, Nick Pileggi , with the picture’s director, Martin Scorsese , and stars Robert De Niro, Ray Liotta and-live via satellite- Joe Pesci …. Remember when the city was obsessed with Irish stuff (Frank McCourt, Gabriel Byrne, Riverdance, Terry Golway )? When is it going to be cool to be a Jew?

[UA Battery Park Stadium, 102 North

End Avenue, 6 p.m., by invitation only, 917-597-2055.]

Thursday 14th

Quinn, pushing tin: Oh boy , November is when the galas (and the gals!) get super-“kooky” : tonight, for example, Stanley Tucci (actor bearing down hard on the benefit circuit), Julianne Moore (beatific actress) and Aidan Quinn (that blue-eyed guy from Desperately Seeking Susan ) proclaim the winners of a ” Canstruction” competition-sculptures of canned goods that will then be distributed to the Food Bank. Andy Warhol would surely have dug the huge Marilyn Monroe sculpture made out of five-bean soup, Libby’s pumpkin purée and roast-beef hash …. Meanwhile, at the Plaza , thinking woman’s sex object Charles Grodin hosts a gala for Gilda’s Club , the cancer charity devoted to the memory of the dearly departed comedienne Gilda Radner. If you’re like us, you’ll get all “dolled up” and ” jazzed” about going, then wind up sending a check and staying home with your nose buried in Live from New York , the recently published and mesmerizing oral history of Saturday Night Live.

[Canstruction, New York Design Center, 200 Lexington Avenue, 6 p.m., by invitation only, 792-4666; Gilda's Club, Plaza, Fifth Avenue at Central Park South, 6 p.m., 647-9700.]

If you’re gay- can’t say we blame ya ! Power-list mania continues apace with Out magazine’s Out 100 party – Out brass were less than forthcoming about the details, thank you , so let’s flounce out to Williamsburg instead for the premiere of Dance-o-matic , a performance piece devoted to the color pink, with dancers in ruffled hot pants and fuchsia feather boas ,pinkribbons, pink lights. “It’s

a little bit bitter and witty and cynical,” said bubbly choreographer Brian Brooks , 28. “There’s some kind of -I don’t want to say stunts, but there’s a bit of daredevil …. It’s just nodding to all the pink things-baby girls, flamingos and, you know, homosexuality and carnations and hearts and little teddy bears …. It emits all of that, and we throw it out and just kind of celebrate the fun of the color. It’s like a big piece of bubble gum- you just want

to eat it.”

[ Out 100, Ace Gallery, 275 Hudson Street, 8 p.m., by invitation only, 242-8100; Dance-o-matic , 205 North Seventh Street, Williamsburg, 8 p.m., 718-599-7997.]

Friday 15th

How to avoid the stampede of little boys with scarves and owlish expressions going to see the Harry Potter sequel: Duck into a showing of Standing in the Shadows of Motown , a splendid documentary about the hit her to-unsung Funk Brothers , the genius band of studio musicians who played the backbeat for “My Cherie Amour,” “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough,” “Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing” and scores of others-basically every good song that’s ever been recorded and then ripped off for a salad-dressing commercial or “grooved” to by fat white baby boomers at their weddings …. Bring scads of Kleenex .

[777-FILM.]

Saturday 16th

Still more proof that a shell-shocked New York is sinking fast into a mashed-potatoes morass of “comfort food”: Gourmet magazine and Grand Central are co-hosting a brunch party for Automat , a new book about the now-defunct coin-operated restaurants co-written by Horn & Hardart heiress Marianne Hardart. “People want them back,” said Ms. Hardart, 37, from her day job at N.Y.U. Medical Center. “And I don’t think you could ever replicate it. That you could sit with a stranger-that whole feeling of the way people ate-you could never replicate that today. Horn and Hardart didn’t want to sacrifice the quality; otherwise, they could have been all over the country. People would’ve been ruing it: ‘ Eww , that’s Horn & Hardart, they’re everywhere- get them out of France!'” Oui .

[Pershing Square Café, Park Avenue at 42nd Street, by invitation only, 572-2535.]

Sunday 17th

90’s revival watch! You remember folksy pop star Lisa Loeb, of “Stay (I Missed You)” fame- who, with her cat’s-eye glasses and dour early-90’s mien, resembled your husband’s last girlfriend before he settled down with you. She called from a minivan somewhere in New Hampshire to talk about her new album, Hello Lisa , which is mostly a retread of her last album, Cake and Pie -except on a new “boutique” label. “I just felt like it was time,” said Ms. Loeb, a deadpan 34. “It was complicated, but I felt like it was time to take more of a hands-on and creative approach. With the major label, I felt, like, sort of impersonal-and I have to say, all the promises and the positive things that they were saying weren’t necessarily happening , and I don’t have time for that anymore, you know?” Oh, we know, honey, we know. What’s it like living in L.A. with boyfriend Dweezil Zappa and their cats, Chinchy Morty and the Baby Jackson ? (Jesus, what a parade of freaks.) “It’s nice to have a house with a yard and animals and space ,” she replied. “It’s very suburban. I like to knit and play Sims. I tried to knit him a scarf, and although we agreed on the colors before I made it for him, it looked a little too girly , so I kept it for myself ” Are she and Dweezil gettin’ hitched? “I don’t know-that’s a good question. You and my mom can talk about it.” Tonight, Ms. Loeb plays the Bottom Line. Bring yer knitting!

[15 West Fourth Street, 7:30 and 10:30 p.m., 228-6300.]

Monday 18th

New York is nostalgia town! See Automat party, above, and also tonight’s reasonably priced benefit for the Moth , a group of literary gadabouts that, to all appearances, prefer going out and “spinning yarns” to actually staying home and reading, er, books . In a telling retort to aforementioned Sopranos saturation, the evening has a decidedly Irish flavor: Celebrity Rosie O’Donnell is hosting; memoirist Frank McCourt is telling stories, writer-actress Shelagh Ratner is doing some of her improv. Auction items include a pie-baking lesson with J.D. Salinger’s gamine and frightening ex, Joyce Maynard . The evening has a 1920’s theme .

[120 West 43rd Street, 7 p.m., 292-0907.]

Scoop-doop-dee-doop! Stefani Greenfield is an owner of the clothing store Scoop -where jeans became a $100 animal -and called to tell us about the party she’s throwing to open her new men’s store on the Upper East Side. “It won’t be a dainty party … great rocking music, mini-burgers, mini-fries, mini–grilled cheeses, a beer bar.” We’ll say it again: Burp . And what’s the lowdown on men’s fall fashion? “A great jean,” she said, “an ankle-zip boot, a shearling jacket as opposed to coat, any bomber jacket or parka, and a yummy turtleneck sweater, kind of with a Nordic feeling.” Time to get some nog started.

[1275 Third Avenue, 7 p.m., by invitation only, 917-351-8600.]

Tuesday 19th

Still smoking? Are you insane ? Benefit action tonight includes a “strolling supper” to benefit the Joan Scarangello Foundation to Conquer Lung Cancer . Your honorary chairmen include all your TV-anchor substitute-father figures : Tom Brokaw, Peter Jennings, Dan Rather and Aaron Brown-plus himbo Brian Williams…. ” Meanwhile-this justin!-downtown there’s one more chance to get your man out of ink-stained khakis, puffy white sneakers and “deconstructed” blazers, as Today Show style contributor Lloyd Boston celebrates his new book, Make Over Your Man: The Woman’s Guide to Dressing Any Man in Her Life- see soft-core porn visual excerpt, above.

[Joan's Legacy, Times Square Studios, 1500 Broadway, 6:30 p.m., 741-2977; Make Over Your Man , Tommy Hilfiger

SoHo, 372 West Broadway, 7 p.m.,

by invitation only, 548-6610.]

Wednesday 20th

Spritzer with Spitzer? Get ready for some ice water and forced “banter” : The jolly potbellies of Time Inc. are having a luncheon to drum up speculation about who should be Person of the Year, moderated by Time managing editor and silver tiger Jim Kelly. Invitations just went out , but freshly re-elected State Attorney General and possible 2006 guber natorial candidate Eliot Spitzer has already eagerly RSVP’d. “I think the audience is a mixture of movers and shakers , I guess-to use a phrase I really don’t like to use,” Mr. Kelly said. “I hope it will be scintillating and not the least bit dry .” To the contrary-our media columnist always comes out of these things totally wasted and usually passes the night in jail.

[Four Seasons Grill Room, 11:45 a.m.,

by invitation only.]