Eight Day Week

Wednesday 14th

We’re knee-deep in May, and that means drag queens, your skin going blotchy because of finicky weather, nubile editorial assistants pondering fake ‘n’ bake (answer: not till June, girls) and, as every schoolboy knows , 396 years ago today, the Brits sailed into Jamestown wearing puffy blouses , hoping they could cadge a place to stay and some free food and booze from naïve Americans. (Some things never change …. ) You won’t see any of those puffy blouses at tonight’s Posh Sale benefit, though their poor descendant- the peasant blouse -will undoubtedly make an appearance. Celebrity chair Kim Cattrall presides as designer castoffs ( Prada, Celine, Burberry, etc. ) from exquisitely bored socialites are sold at reduced prices to raise money for the visually impaired. The sale goes on for three days, but tonight’s the only time you can ask Ms. Cattrall about casting off her hubby a few months back. Meanwhile, Cannes-orexics fresh from the Tribeca Film Fest hop across the pond to pose for the paparazzi and pretend to go to screenings instead of the beach ….

[Lighthouse International Posh Sale, 110 East 60th Street, 6 to 9 p.m.,

212-821-9300; Cannes Film Festival, http://www.festival-cannes.com.

Thursday 15th

Who are you calling hose , sir? Back in 1940, the first women’s “nylons” hit the shelves, prompting years of female agony over that fat roll that inexorably bubbles over the waistband … until the 70′s, when the only time people used pantyhose was to tie each other up during the crazy sex everyone was apparently having. Tonight, 1970′s icon Gloria Steinem (now only having crazy sex with one person because of her outta-left-field marriage to actor Christian Bale’s father ) doles out the Ms. Foundation’s Gloria Steinem Awards . Meanwhile, the Kabbalah craze continues, spurred on by “post-feminist” Madonna. Our theory: Madonna and other newly minted Kabbalists like the Kabbalah so much because it’s so esoteric and mystical that no one-especially its recent devotees-actually understands it, and thus they can tell themselves they’re doing something “spiritual” without having to go through the rigorous self-examination that would be required if they bothered with the more “prosaic,” non-mystical versions of Judaism, Christianity, etc.… But what the h*ll do we know? Tonight, the Kabbalah Centre holds an intro lecture, so go see for yourself. And afterwards, grab that post-feminist nancy boyfriend of yours by his slender fingers and drag him to the Soho store Fresh, where Esquire is helping launch a new line of men’s grooming products that senior editors will be mooning over, which will remind you to look up-there’s a lunar eclipse tonight!

[15th Annual Gloria Steinem Awards,

Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, 301 Park Avenue, 6:30 p.m., 212-742-2300, ext. 420;

Kabbalah lecture, the Kabbalah Centre,

155 East 48th Street, 7 p.m., 800-Kabbalah;

Esquire /Fresh men's products launch, Fresh, 57 Spring Street, 7 p.m., 212-396-3803.]

Friday 16th

They don’t make rock stars like Joey Ramone any more , and tonight the late singer’s fans rage on his behalf at a birthday bash at Webster Hall hosted by bald MTV defector Matt Pinfield. Thetributeraises money for lymphoma research and includes performances from the Misfits, Marky and Tommy Ramone, Black Flag’s Dez Cadena and Rocket from the Crypt. We asked Mickey Leigh, Joey’s brother, what his favorite Ramones song was. “Definitely ‘Danny Says,’” he said. “It’s just a beautiful song. It’s makes me laugh, cry and kiss my heart goodbye.” Mr. Leigh said he’s signed a book deal to write a biography of his brother: “I can’t really tell you any anecdotes, because Simon & Schuster is entitled to all my stories about Joey.” About the Ramones , he said: “Music is a hell of a lot more exciting today because of them. They just breathed life back into what seemed to be an extinct culture. They’re still influencing music even today with this whole new crop of punk bands: Blink 182, Good Charlotte, Avril Lavigne -I hate to say it, because she’s like half-punk, half-Mousketeer , but she’s real cute. I might be a little old to be an Avril Lavigne fan, but she’s hot.”

[Joey Ramone's Birthday Bash, Webster Hall, 125 11th Street, 7 p.m., 212-307-7171.]

Saturday 17th

Themint-julep-swilling crowd- you know who you are-hoofs it down to Baltimore and raises their curiously strong drinks in honor of the Preakness horsies . Meanwhile , bike jockeys pump up their tires out by the shore as the Long Island Alzheimer’s Foundation presents its annual, unfortunately titled bike tour, “A Ride to Remember.”

[Preakness, 5 p.m., WNBC, Channel 4; A Ride to Remember, Long Island University, C.W. Post campus, East Gate, Northern Boulevard, Brookville, N.Y., registration at 7:15 a.m., 866-789-5423.]

Sunday 18th

Before summer becomes one long, fetid crawl out to Long Island and back (at least for those ambitious C-listers who still insist that the Hamptons are something to be desired and acquired), there’s still time to do some good in New York. Today, the 10-kilometer AIDS Walk New York kicks off on Central Park West. If you’re a lazy-ass, sponsor a friend ; then do yourself a favor and pick up a La-Z-Boy at the International Contemporary Furniture Fair. If the stiflingly well-carpeted Javits Center starts giving you the creeps, run like hell to the Chelsea Hotel, which is also exhibiting designs from the ICFF, but in a more relaxed-albeit punk -setting ….

[AIDS Walk New York, Central Park, Sheep Meadow, 67th Street and Central Park West, 9 a.m., 212-807-WALK; International

Contemporary Furniture Fair, Jacob Javits Center, 655 West 34th Street, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., 800-272-SHOW; Downtown at the Chelsea Hotel, 222 West 23rd Street, 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., 212-352-9968.]

Monday 19th

The interns are coming, the

interns are coming! Ambitious Morgan Stanley and Bear Stearns interns invade N.Y.U. summer housing with their “man bags,” blue button-down Oxfords and no idea what they’re in for …. Unlike the rest of us, who are in for Falco, funnies and food : amfAR (AIDS charity) auctions off doodles by Edie Falco , Martin Sheen, Kevin Spacey, David Hyde Pierce and others at its Gift for Life gala. Watch for guest speaker Kenneth Cole to trace a quick “turkey hand” on his napkin for an 11th-hour submission. Meanwhile, Rosie O’Donnell, Sandra Bernhard and Richard Belzer collide at the 92nd Street Y, where Ms. O’Donnell and her hair are hosting something called Comedy Tonight! Proceeds go toward the programs and services of the Y, but the evening really seems to be an excuse for the Friars Club to get smashed on somebody else’s nickel: Freddie Roman, Joy Behar, Mario Cantone, Gilbert Gottfried, Colin Quinn, Sarah Silverman and others round out the pack. “Chuckle tickets” start at $500 and go all the way up to the “stand-up package” at $18,000 . (As in: “Would anyone who has that much cash lying around please stand up?”) And since you’re standing, head downtown fo r Time Out New York ‘s “Eat Out” Awards and see chef Mario Batali defend his title against Daniel Boulud, Anthony Bourdain, Bobby Flay, Nobu Matsuhisa, Eric Ripert, Jean-Georges Vongerichten and Rocco DiSpirito (so far, the only one of this group to get his own reality-TV series, premiering July 20 on NBC). Burp!

[amfAR's Gift for Life gala, the Copacabana, 560 West 34th Street, 6 p.m., 212-806-1657; Comedy Tonight! , 92nd Street Y, Lexington Avenue at 92nd Street, 6 p.m., 212-415-5488; TONY Eat Out Awards, Metropolitan Pavilion, 125 West 18th Street, 6:30 p.m., 212-539-4493.]

Tuesday 20th

If the day ever comes when your dog gets invited to better parties than you do , then it’s time to think about moving out of this fair city …. Tonight, the nice people at Art for Animals raise some bones for homeless pups at their annual Canine Cocktail Party. The party comes complete with a doggie green room stocked with biscuits. But any Shih-Tzus looking to crash, think twice: “The dogs are by invitation only-otherwise, it becomes a dog park,” said Art for Animals veep Elizabeth (Betsy) Hess. What will make you beg: art for sale (Cindy Sherman , Willem de Kooning) , silent auction fo r bejeweled dog tags by Me&Ro and others, and a little dog named Stamp that will be skate-boarding around and selecting raffle tickets out of a bowl. Honorary hosts include Laurie Anderson (rat terrier named Lolabelle), Adrien Brody (rehearsing for Saturday Night Live host gig) and Bernadette Peters (rave reviews in Gypsy , but phoning in sick from time to time). Meanwhile, in cat-fight territory, Lauren Weisberger, former assistant to Vogue editor Anna Wintour, reads from her roman à clef , The Devil Wears Prada , high on Madison Avenue today. Show up and ask her if Doubleday made her excise any “juicy bits.”

[Canine Cocktail Party 2003, Gagosian Gallery, 555 West 24th Street, 6 to 8 p.m., http://www.artforanimals.org; The Devil Wears Prada reading, the Corner Bookstore, 1313 Madison Avenue at 93rd Street, 7 p.m., 212-831-3554.]

Wednesday 21st

Beauty is fleet-ing! Fleet Week nuzzles into port today, and the finest (scurvy-free!) sailors the U.S. Navy has to offer step briskly through the streets, making even the buffest Manhattan gym rat look slouchy and porcine …. If it’s your weekend with the kids, get your sea legs to the Intrepid Museum, where you can walk among the masts of lofty ships and watch seamen compete in tug of war and arm-wrestling. When the sun ebbs, single gals (and-ahem-not a few single guys) climb into that dress they bought at Nautica two years ago just in case they were ever invited to a regatta (to no avail) and slide into Peter Fitzpatrick–owned midtown taverns (McGee’s, Jack Dempsey’s, Hurley’s Saloon, all three Playwrights), which are offering discounts on drinks for the seafarers (wear your whites, fellas!). Meanwhile, attached maidens with cheap boyfriends check out the Dine Around Downtown festival, where eateries like Bouley, Delmonico’s and Les Halles are offering up fancy chow at bargain prices. Buy a sailor a nice steak-you’ll thank yourself in the morning.

[ Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum, Pier 86, 12th Avenue at 46th Street, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., 212-262-8800; discounts at Peter Fitzpatrick's various midtown taverns, all week long, 212-956-0104; Dining Around Downtown, Chase Manhattan Plaza,

11 a.m. to 3 p.m., 212-835-2789.]