Eight Day Week

Wednesday 18th

We’re up to our waist in June, Jenna Bush is about to start a long summer of bar-hopping around N.Y.U., Mayor Bloomberg is about as popular as a squeegee man, and no one has told Starbucks that nobody cares what music Sheryl Crow likes …. Are you hoping this summer is going to be light and porous, like a Sammy Sosa bat? Not a chance-this is New York , baby. Take Tammy Faye Baker -please! Today you can slurp high tea with the cuddly former televangelist at the Inn at Irving Plaza. “I have a cold! A bad cold!” she told us over the phone. “A coughing cold! But I’m a big girl and I can handle it. Cough! I have a Diet Coke here-my drug of choice!” How does she explain her enduring popularity? “I’m not sure why people like me so much. It must be my eyelashes, flapping in the wind, keeping people cool on hot days!” She’s written her own story, titled I Will Survive . “Each chapter is an independent entity, kind of like Chicken Soup for the Soul , Tammy style. I’ve got one called ‘The Peeing Contest.’ It’s concerns my grandson and his dogs. Only grandkids could come up with something like that. My recipes are in there, too, and so are my makeup tips!” Finally, summer 2003 is starting to pick up!

[Tea with Tammy Faye, Lady Mendl’s, the Inn at Irving Plaza, 56 Irving Place, 4 p.m., 212-366-2851, by invitation only.]

Thursday 19th

Debut novels these days need a “gimmick” -and what better gimmick than an author who moonlights as a gossip columnist for the New York Post ‘s Page Six? Give him a bad review, and Page Six will publish a list of the DVD’s you and the missus rented during that “reconciliation” phase last fall …. Meet Ian Spiegelman, the gossipeuse in question, and his first novel, Everyone’s Burning , which follows a 23-year-old Queens dweller and his drug-addled friends. “Growing up in Bayside, there were a lot of punk-ass white-boy gangs in my neighborhood,” he said. “I got jumped when I was 12 years old by this group wielding this kind of a telescopic stick. It was very Nancy Kerrigan.” Like any good Page Sixer, he threw himself a book party-in a strip club. “It was almost like getting married!” said Mr. Spiegelman, 29. “All my friends were there, and I didn’t get to talk to any of them. I didn’t even get a lap dance. I had a date-and then her boyfriend showed up halfway through the party! So if anyone’s looking for a first-novel-having boyfriend, I’m available!” Tonight he tries for another lap dance, this time at the Barnes & Noble at Astor Place. Meanwhile, if you like your fun with your clothes on, “The Future of the Democratic Party” is the topic tonight at the 92nd Street Y, where comedienne Janeane Garofalo and pretty-boy actor Josh Hartnett share a panel with novelists Walter Mosley and Danny Goldberg , as well as former Public Advocate Mark Green , apparently in attendance to represent the sizzling past of the Democratic Party. Cut out early and share a cab with Janeane as she heads to the Hammerstein Ballroom, where Denis Leary gets roasted courtesy of Comedy Central, hosted by Jeff Garlin , the wide-bellied co-star of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm . But will this roast really cook without the fat-assed cigar-suckers of the Friars Club ? Reported attendees will include Kiefer Sutherland, Gina Gershon, Colin Quinn, Famke Janssen, Liz Hurley and the Strokes . What, no Freddie Roman ? Who are they kiddin’?

[Barnes & Noble, 4 Astor Place, 7:30 p.m., 212-420-1322; “The Future of the Democratic Party,” 92nd Street Y, 1395 Lexington Avenue, 8 p.m., 212-415-5500; Denis Leary roast, the Hammerstein Ballroom, 311 West 34th Street, 7 to 9 p.m.]

Friday 20th

It’s a summer Friday in New York -grab the TV Guide and the little lady and a bucket of KFC , is our advice. But if you must: The Dixie Chicks and Michelle Branch are playing at the Garden.

[Madison Square Garden, 8 p.m., 212-307-7171.]

Saturday 21st

Love makes the world go ’round (a little Paxil helps, too), so try not to cringe when your mate breaks out his Tommy Bahama “party shirt” for the Malibu-themed “Love Heals” beach party in the Hamptons tonight. The invite implores you to “please dress in your most bodacious surf attire,” so better book those full-body-waxing appointments now, fellas …. What to expect: a silent auction (we’ve never been able to figure this one out-if it’s a silent auction, how the heck do you bid on anything? Never mind … ) and the inevitable Ronson at the spin table ( Samantha this time). Sister Charlotte sits this one out and sips drinky-poos with ketchup heir and former Gwyneth paramour Chris ( Ka-ching! ) Heinz . Other revelers include belt heiress Elisabeth Keiselstein-Cord ,partyboy Alexandervon Furstenberg , investment banker Josh Gruss (son of big-bucks banker Martin Gruss) and his new wife Shoshonna Lonstein , who is being anti-anti-establishment and taking her husband’s name. Worthy cause: the Alison Gertz Foundation for AIDS Education.

[Luna Farm, 276 Parsonage Lane, Sagaponack, N.Y., 7:30 to 11 p.m.]

Sunday 22nd

Hung out on the Upper West Side lately? Yeah, neither has anyone else. So give ‘em a boost over there and tag along today with “The Radical Non–Jerry Seinfeld Upper West Side Walking Tour.” No Tom’s Restaurant , no Columbus Avenue , no yada yada yada . Instead there’s Fidel Castro’s old apartment , Noam Chomsky’s childhood hangout and the Ansonia Hotel with all its German spies. “Jerry Seinfeld really owns the Upper West Side,” said Bruce Kayton , who owns Radical Walking Tours. “I wanted to let people know that there are other things than his view of the world . Even though Seinfeld is very funny , his views are kind of narrow . Almost everyone on the show is rich and white . I mean, they did an episode about Elaine dating a poor guy , and for them ‘poor’ was having an apartment on St. Mark’s Place between Second and Third avenues!” Mr. Kayton, who said he works as a “one-man library” at a research company, has protested in over 300 demonstrations and just turned 44 . “I can’t believe I’m so old !” he cried. “I would never have trusted anyone my age. Everyone used to say that no one above age 30 was to be trusted , but now that they’re older, they don’t trust anyone under 30! It’s like Abbie Hoffman said: The kids nowadays are just into throwing up on Saturday nights and watching soap operas.” And Born to Diva , thank you very much.

[Meet at the center traffic island, Broadway between 71st Street and 72nd streets, 1 p.m., 718-492-0069.]

Monday 23rd

Celeb magazines at war: In this corner, the staffers at Entertainment Weekly – led by their new managing editor, who’s apparently been “shaking things up,” which is to say firing people-throw a party in Chelsea for the magazine’s new “It List.” Tonight, those who haven’t been pink-slipped shake things up with Soprano Jamie Lynn Siegler , alto Vanessa Carlton , the Daily Show ‘s Mo Rocca and well-done chef Bobby Flay . And in this corner , the weary women and men of Us Weekly strap on their silk trunks as they celebrate a company called Lovable Bras, which is auctioning off photos of celebs wearing said skivvies. Pop tart Jessica Simpson , Destiny’s Child’s Kelly Rowland and Holly Marie Combs (the chick from Charmed -we looked it up) join unbridled editor Bonnie Fuller for the bra bash. If you’re a lover, not a fighter, The Observer ‘s lithe “Sex and The City” columnist Candace Bushnell -the woman who made Mr. Big get that way-is fêted at the W Hotel for her new novel, Trading Up . Whom you may sip cosmos with: Sex and the City TV producer Darren Starr ,CNBC personality Tina Brown , the Sex and the City cast, George Plimpton,Monica Lewinsky and SteveMartin . Bonus dirty excerpt from Trading Up : “And it was so unfair! Janey thought furiously. She certainly did seem to have more sex with more men than most of the women she knew, and she knew that, behind her back, people had whispered that she was a slut. But what nobody understood was that every time she did have sex with a man, even if it only entailed giving him a blow job in the bathroom of a restaurant, she was doing it because she thought that maybe he was ‘the one.’ Or that was what she always told herself, anyway.” Meanwhile, Stuff and Maxim magazines have their interns run next-door to save prime blanket space for the launch of the Bryant Park Film Festival . The manly classic Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid comes out, guns blazing, at around sunset, but the lawn opens at 5 p.m.

[It List party, the Roxy, 515 West 18th Street, 8 p.m. to midnight, by invitation only; Us Weekly party, Serena Bar and Lounge, 222 West 23rd Street, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m., by invitation only; Trading Up party, Diva Suite, W New York-the Court, 130 East 39th Street, 7 to 9 p.m., by invitation only; Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid , Bryant Park, Sixth Avenue between 40th and 41st streets, 8 p.m.]

Tuesday 24th

Dalton and Trinity students try and skirt their summer reading by hitting Shakespeare in the Park’s production of Henry V . East Village women’s favorite sex symbol, Liev Schreiber -who’s been shopping around his adaptation of Jonathan Safran Foer’s Everything Is Illuminated -will be playing the role of Hank . “It’s a lot more fun to do theater, because you’re performing live and the character is uninterrupted,” Mr. Schreibersaid. “It’s never perfect. There are set piecesfalling down. People mess up every single night. And it’s very difficult toimprovise with Shakespeare! It’s pretty amazing to see the things that people come up with.” Does he play favorites? “The pure malevolence of Iago is really fun, but I also really liked Claudio from Measure to Measure. The most obvious is Hamlet, of course. It’s hard not to like Hamlet. He’s so lucid-a lucid existentialist.” Pronounced Lee-ev , the Yale Drama grad’s first name derives from a doctor who once saved his mama’s life. But how about his nickname, “Huggy” ? “Argh-I had a feeling this would degenerate,” he sighed. “It’s been my nickname since I was a baby.” Mr. Schreiber and his sighs can be found tonight at the Delacorte Theater in the Park. In other news, it’s National Columnists Day! In lieu of flowers, please send a cash donation to The New York Times Credibility Recovery Fund.

[The Delacorte Theater, Central Park West at 81st Street, 8 p.m., 212-539-8650.]

Wednesday 25th

Candace, Part II: The summer literapalooza continues as Ms. Bushnell (Trading Up ), George Plimpton ( Paper Lion ), Laura Shaine Cunningham ( Dreams of Rescue ) and Brit lit chick Zoe Heller ( What Was She Thinking ) read from their latest works at Borders on Park Avenue. Meanwhile, the second movie in the Charlie’s Angels franchise-which would be empowering were it not for the sexual innuendoes, the bikinis and three women chirpily taking orders from a disembodied male voice -is having its premiere. What to expect: Lucy, Cameron, Drew and Demi (we’ve got $10 in the Observer office pool on an appearance by Ashton Kutchner, the young actor currently servicing Ms. Moore). Prepare thyself for a sequel so rife with feminist/anti-feminist tensions that it should book a massage at Bliss, which is probably what we’ll do, ’cause we weren’t invited to the after-party at Lobby . (Hell- o ! Are we talking to ourselves here?) And if you’re feeling a bit overheated, just make sure your eyelashes keep flapping in the wind .

[Borders, 461 Park Avenue, 6:30 p.m., 212- 980-6785; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle premiere party, Lobby, 330 West 38th Street, by invitation only.]