Eight Day Week

Wednesday 17th

Our summer interns have taken themselves (and probably our Nexis password) back to their fancy Ivy League colleges-not having done a lick of work all summer, by the way, and providing very little in the way of sloppy drunken sex-leaving us top ush papers for ourselves. (Rustle … rustle. ) Sooooo, let’s see …. Demi Moore leaves Ashton with the sitter tonight and swings her glossy black hair at Saks for the “Key to the Cure” benefit. She joins Carolina Herrera’s socialite daughter, Carolina Herrera Jr., and Harper’s Bazaar editrix (is for kids!) Glenda Bailey . The evening’s recession-proof guests have a shot at a $60,000 sparkly diamond from Saks and a Vespa . Use it to ziiiiiiip over the bridge for the Brooklyn Public Library’s “Italian Authors” series with los scrittores , including Gay Talese . We called the natty scribe himself, who told us, “The 70th-anniversary issue of Esquire is on the stands right now and the editor included the best writing of the last 70 years , and he chose my piece on Frank Sinatra. Of all the writers- Hemingway, Fitzgerald , all of them-they chose yours truly! The author of the best writing of the last 70 years is on the phone with you, on your nickel!” Whatever. What’s your new book, The Gay Talese Reader , about? “It’s about a curious writer who gets lost in stories by entering the worlds of other people. I write about them, and I write about writing about them. It’s nonfiction, not a memoir-I don’t like memoirs anymore! People who are 30 years old are writing memoirs! I’m writing about a redneck sheriff from the racist South and journalism in the pre–Jayson Blair era. I write about this penis story I chased around -the John Wayne Bobbitt story, remember? I followed that penis story around.” We know the feeling, sir-you should have seen us last weekend ….

[Key to the Cure, the Four Seasons Restaurant, 99 East 52nd Street, 8 p.m., 212-451-3932, by invitation only; the Italian Authors, Brooklyn Public Library, Central Library, third-floor Trustees Room, Grand Army Plaza, 7 p.m., 718-320-2100.]

Thursday 18th

When we weren’t looking, the guys from Queer Eye have swooped in and replaced The Sopranos ‘ cast as the ubiquitous New York party boys …. Who knows where they’ll turn up tonight? Perhaps at the “Unlock the Cure” benefit, a worthy cancer-fighting bash sponsored by, among others, Hamptons magazine (cheesy, ass-kissing to celebs, almost to the point of advertorial) and Gotham magazine (cheesy, ass-kissing to celebs, almost to the point of advertorial) …. And on the Upper East Side, th e Rona Jaffee Foundation Writers’ Awards cuts checksfor $10,000 each to six college co-ed writer types ….

[Unlock the Cure, lobby, 330 West 38th Street, 7 p.m., 212-369-0809, by invitation only; Rona Jaffee Foundation Writers' Awards, fancy club on the Upper East Side,

6 to 8 p.m., by invitation only.]

Friday 19th

The ladies of Vogue remember the little people: Vogue has installed Jumbotron-like screens outside Bryant Park broadcasting the events taking place inside the Fashion Week tents, in order to “bring Fashion Week to the people,” according to the press release. We couldn’t make this stuff up, folks …. Double-down on the Zoloft today, ’cause it’s the last day of Fashion Week. On tap today: Ralph Lauren .

[Fashion Week, http://www.7thonsixth.com.

Saturday 20th

“We tend to all go work out together at lunch,” said Fitness magazine editor Emily Listfield. “If anyone walked in thelocker room, they’d see the entire staff in theirunderwear, comparing soreness levels.” See how they run in Central Park at the mag’s “Mind Body Spirit Games,” which is serving up quite the dilemma this morning: a two-mile walk at 8:40 a.m. or a four-mile run at 9:40 a.m. Since the only thing we run is late , look for us at the spa stationhaving massages, manicures and reflexology . Look for Ms. Listfield to be (wo)manning the microphone: “I have to announce all the races, so I get an out. Hopefully, the weather will hold. Last year was a monsoon-I spent the day holding a mike, worrying I was about to be electrocuted!”

[Mind Body Spirit Games, Central Park by the 72nd Street bandshell, http://www.nyrrc.org.

Sunday 21st

For Manhattan single women tired of trying to untangle men, knitting has become a satisfying form of auto-erotica , and today they burn their fingers at the 2003 Knit-Out and Crochet. Julia Roberts ( Hook ) and Justine Batemen ( Family Ties ) are both knitters of distinction. Knit yourself something “literary” (taupe, ecru, maybe some plum) to hang on the back of your chair at the New York Times -New York is Book Country brunch. Not sure if they’ll be serving pancakes-surely The Times ‘ newly appointed “standards editor,” Allan Siegel, has something to say about that? Panelists include novelist Dan Brown (author of The Da Vinci Code , the most overhyped book since The Lovely Bones ) and Peggy Noonan , The Wall Street Journal ‘s answer to Maureen Dowd . If you’re the sort of bloke who can’t get enough of a good kazoo, you’re in luck: Tykes will be kazoo-ing at the New York Is Book Country Street Fair as they parade alongside costumed characters like Amelia Bedelia (sounds dirty) and Daisy Duck (ask her why Donald doesn’t wear any pants). Don’t forget to kazoom over to the Mad Magazine table from 2:30 to 3:30, when The Observer ‘s own Drew Friedman will sign copies of the mag. Still feelin’ the need for tweed? The never-ending New Yorker Festival -Fashion Week for people who read (i.e., who can’t afford couture)-continues with readings from two funny guys (Woody Allen, Steve Martin) and lots more unfunny ones. If all this excitement is just blowing your mind, stay home and watch the cast of Friends pick up a bunch of Emmys they haven’t deserved since 1999. Meanwhile, today is the final day of the San Gennaro Festival , which for the past two weeks has turned Nolita into a malodorous, tacky, beer-swilling all-night frat party. Whatever happened to the good old days, when the Mafia ran this thing?

[2003 Knit-Out and Crochet; Union Square Park, 17th Street, noon to 5 p.m., http://www.knit-out.com; brunch, Waldorf-Astoria, 301 Park Avenue, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., 888-NTT-1870; New York Is Book Country Street Fair, Fifth Avenue between 42nd and 55th streets,

11 a.m. to 5 p.m., http://www.nyisbookcountry.com; Town Hall, 123 West 43rd Street, 3 p.m.,

877-391-0545; Emmys, 8 p.m., FOX.]

Monday 22nd

Maggie, Chloë and Hope- the Julia, Gwyneth and Halle of the indie set -show up at the Gotham Awards, hosted by Michael Ian Black (yeah, we dunno either). Presenters include Taye Diggs (helped Stella get her groove back), Naomi Watts (helped David Lynch steer straight on Mulholland Drive ) and Alec Baldwin (will help himself to the backstage buffet, thank you very much). Glenn Close and Steve Buscemi will receive awards for not selling out.

[Gotham Awards, Pier 60, Chelsea Piers, 7 p.m., 212-647-1828.]

Tuesday 23rd

Give us one good reason why anyone would ever attend a “breakfast anything .” It’s simply not civilized. But if you’re looking for an excuse to kick that annoying mutton-chopped hipster out of your bed this morning, arise at dawn , splash some cawfee in your eyes, drink a cup of Visine and get to Condé Nast mission control by 8 a.m. Join the unwashed reporters as they pilfer extra scones from the “Continental breakfast” (remember ’99, when there were omelets?) and talk truth-in-advertising with Shelly Lazarus (C.E.O., Ogilvy and Mather Worldwide), Jamie Kellner (C.E.O.,WB) and The New Yorker ‘s Ken Auletta. “It’s always a good time to talk! Anything to avoid work!” said Mr. Auletta, proud house-husband to lit’ryagent Binky Urban. “The subject is the future of advertising and how the industry will respond now that devices like TiVo allow people to skip ads at will.” What’s his least favorite commercial? “Ha! You think I don’t use my TiVo and skip? No, actually I don’t have one. I’m still working on the clock on my VCR!” Later, see all da fine ladies at the Top Dog Gala hosted by Barbara Walters , the she-ro of many an aspiring telejournalist.

["Advertising: Challenges Ahead," the Condé Nast Building, fourth floor, 4 Times Square, by invitation only; Top Dog Gala, Waldorf-Astoria, Grand Ballroom, 7 p.m., 212-874-5457.]

Wednesday 24th

Actor Ethan Hawke stops hiding from Uma’s brothers and emerges to read from his sophomore effort, Ash Wednesday , to dewy 22-year-old editorial assistants …. On the West Side is Helen Gurley Brown and the inevitable, pseudo-empowered insecure single gals sporting the updated schoolgirl “f*ck me” look (pleated miniskirt, knee-high stilettos in place of knee socks … ). Miss Brown will read from her legendary tome, Sex and the Single Girl …. Speaking of, anyone else looking forward to Renée Zellweger packing it on for the second Bridget Jones installment?

[Ethan Hawke, Cooper Union, the Great Hall, 7 East Seventh Street, 6:30 p.m., 212-353-4000; Helen Gurley Brown, Coliseum Books Café, 11 West 42nd Street, 6 p.m., 212-803-5892.]