The Crime Blotter

Women have lots of ways of telling their boyfriends they’ve fallen out of love. But few are as brutal and unequivocal as the female who asked her man to pick her up at the corner of 88th Street and York Avenue on Sept. 3.

The victim, a 48-year-old New Rochelle resident, told the police that he did as his girlfriend-described as a 34-year-old white female with hazel eyes, curly light brown hair and an iguana tattoo on her arm-requested, driving her to the northeast corner of 90th Street and York Avenue. Once there, she informed him the relationship was over-but not in the standard way, telling him she wanted to remain friends.

Instead, she asked him to wait while she picked up something at her girlfriend’s apartment. When she returned, accompanied by the other lady, her demeanor wasn’t exactly what you’d call sympathetic. While the other woman held a knife to her boyfriend’s neck, she opened the car door and removed the key from the ignition, then took his cell phone.

At least she sounded an apologetic note: “I’m sorry, Tony,” she said.

Her accomplice was more to the point: “Give me your wallet,” she demanded.

The victim complied, and then both ladies fled on foot southbound on York Avenue. The male suffered a laceration to his chin and received medical attention at the scene. The police canvassed the area, with negative results.

Pants Walk

Thefts from health-club lockers might be described, with little exaggeration, as epidemic. However, few of the thieves display the chutzpah that one perp-an approximately 55-year-old white male, according to witness reports-did at the New York Sports Club at 151 East 86th Street on Sept. 9.

The incident was discovered at 4:20 p.m., when the crook’s victim returned to his locker after his workout and found a new lock on it. He asked the staff for an explanation and was told that while he was working out, another man asked them to cut the lock, claiming that the locker was his and that he’d lost his combination.

The perp also described the items in the locker, apparently sounding sufficiently persuasive that the staff didn’t bother to check his ID. When the locker’s rightful owner returned, it was, to quote the police, “to find his lock missing, someone else occupying his locker, and his bag in a different locker with his wallet missing.”

Oh, yes, his house keys and pants were also stolen-which would have made pursuit difficult. The thief fled in an unknown direction.

Time Is Money

A would-be bank robber visited the Chase Manhattan Bank at 86th Street and Columbus Avenue around 9 a.m. on Sept. 15. He passed the teller a note explaining his intention to rob the bank. But banks have been held up so often lately that tellers may no longer take the threat as seriously as they once did.

“Apparently, they laugh at him and he leaves,” explained Capt. James Murtagh, the commanding office of the 20th Precinct. “He doesn’t get any money.”

The bank wasn’t blasé enough to let the crime go unreported, however. They called 911, and the police sprung into action. “As part of our apprehension plan, cops then go to other banks in the area,” Captain Murtagh continued. “Because especially if it’s an attempt and he didn’t get any money, he’s going to try to get money somewhere else.”

Sure enough, the perp’s next stop was the Citibank at the corner of 86th Street and Broadway. “So my guys are showing up at the Citibank, and as they’re walking in, he’s walking out,” Captain Murtagh reported. The suspect, who was rather easily identifiable (he was described as a black male wearing a black hat and a green plaid shirt and walking with a limp), was promptly arrested.

It seems that he intended to rob the Citibank branch, but soon encountered the same problem the rest of us face when we have a transaction that requires a human teller rather than an A.T.M.-a painfully long wait. “It turns out, by [the perp’s] own admission,” the captain went on, “that he took a Citibank withdrawal slip. He writes on it, ‘I have a gun. Give me all your money.’ But then he turns around and the line is too long, so he leaves.”

Ironically, while the perp was charged with attempted robbery in the first incident, the police couldn’t charge him with anything in the second. “There’s no bank robbery or attempted bank robbery at Citibank, because he’s so disgusted he walks out,” Captain Murtagh said.

Ralph Gardner Jr. can be reached at rgard135@aol.com.

The Crime Blotter