Eight Day Week

Wednesday 12th

How about a Quickie? Diana Quick stars tonight in a one-woman show, The Woman Destroyed . She also happens to have translated the play from Simone de Beauvoir’s French into English. We caught up with Ms. Quick in a cab “taking the scenic route all the way around the city.” Ms. Quick-the first female president of the Oxford University Dramatic Society during the 60’s, keeping company with the Pythons -is best recognized round these parts for playing the character of Julia Flyte in the 1980’s Brideshead Revisited series alongside Jeremy Irons. She said she chose this particular play, only running until Saturday, because it is “about a character who is hardly ever dramatized: of a certain age, of a certain class …. It is a morality tale about women who rely on others to give themselves a certain sense of value . Women who have never given in and get very, very pissed off with the world.” Sounds dire? “I hope it’s funny, too. Which is always good …. ” Meanwhile, Financier Michael Gardner walks off the Street and into the “Have A Heart” gala, where he’s been piped for his dedication to animal rights. He’ll shake paws with Lorraine Bracco (whose grating monotone is for some reason driving us nuts on The Sopranos this season; P.S.: watch out for her disaffected daughter, Stella Keitel ), Queer Eye scream queen Carson Kressley , the Kissingers and the ageless Jerry Orbach, who hasn’t changed a bit since putting Baby in the corner .

[ The Woman Destroyed , 59E59 Theatre, 59 East 59th Street, 2 and 8 p.m., 212-279-4200; Have a Heart gala, the Metropolitan Club, 1 East 60th Street, 6 p.m., 212-675-9474.]

Thursday 13 th

Remember ethics? Tonight we crash the New York Society for Ethical Culture , which fêtes the bicentennial of Ralph Waldo Emerson . “I didn’t really pay much attention to him when I was young,” said Dr. John Hollander, poet/scholar, who finally found Waldo in his early 30’s. “I was given ‘Self Reliance’ to read at school, and I just couldn’t read him . I couldn’t grasp the immensity and complexity of it, and I just wasn’t interested .” Yale’s Sterling Professor of English emeritus hops the great silver bullet (Metro-North) and ca-chugs into town to host tonight’s transcendental gig. “So much about America comes out of Emerson-sometimes well-taken, and sometimes trivially so,” the professor continued. “He was a man full of paradox, and when one can generate paradox, it can lead to a great deal of hokey things . He is a monumental source for so much in American thought, and so many things can be traced to him; particularly in the late part of the 20th century, which is when I think Emersonian tradition arose again-although the fashionable high modernism after World War I didn’t have much use for him. Eliot was very ambivalent, even hostile to him, in a way.” If you’re an art ninny, dust off those Francis of Assisi sandals and make sure your jewelry announces you several blocks ahead as you clank over to Lot 61’s Flips Fund Benefit . Expect Anna-Louise Clegg (Lulu Guinness mastermind and secret dreadlock champion) , transplant ethno-rahs (you know: posh types with trust funds who put beads in their hair) and scores of Sykes spouses . Sculptress Sasha (“Mrs. Tom”) Sykes auctions off some fancy straw concoction, and photographer Chris (“Mr. Alice Sykes”) Floyd one of his precious prints. And all this for a little school in India. Meanwhile : Before the Schneiders , Feys and Fallons , when everyone still did heroin , had sex with Dan Aykroyd, and actually wrote and performed funny material , SNL was a different, edgier place. But then its grand dame, the irreplaceable Gilda Radner, died of cancer, and now there’s Gilda’s Club, courtesy of the husband left behind, Gene Wilder . Tonight, glossy and freckled Julianne Moore hosts the club’s benefit at the Mandarin Oriental, assisted by cheerful lap dog/husband Bart Freundlich .

[R.W. Emerson Bicentennial Festival, New York Society for Ethical Culture, 2 West 64th Street, 7 p.m., 212-279-4200; Flips Fund Benefit, Lot 61, 550 West 21st Street, 7:30 to 10:30 p.m., by invitation only; Gilda's Club Worldwide Gala, Mandarin Oriental, 80 Columbus Circle, 7 p.m., 212-921-9070.]

Friday 14th

Crate and Barrel-chested: Just when you thought Starbucks shall inherit the earth , Crate and Barrel starts multiplying like the wet Mogwai in Gremlins . The latest incarnation pops up on Broadway today, where the folks behind the super-duper Cooper-Hewitt are laying out the cheese cubes and cocktail weenies in hopes you’ll put down for a strategically distressed chest of drawers . Ten percent of the proceeds go to the aforementioned design museum, so bring your checkbook and Phoebe Cates. Speaking of Broadway , Australian jackeroo Hugh Jackman hands out kudos to director George C. Wolfe and Wonderful Town star Donna Murphy at the Drama League Awards Luncheon. Mistress of ceremonies and cheery stage sprite Kristen Chenoweth slips her feet into some five-inchers.

[Crate and Barrel, 611 Broadway, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m., 212-849-8425; Drama League Awards Luncheon, Grand Hyatt, 42nd Street and Park Avenue, 1 p.m., http://www.dramaleague.org.

Saturday 15th

N’Awlins comes to N’Yawk: You’ve been waiting all year for this : A Crawfish Boil bubbles over at the South Street Seaport. “We’re expecting 400 people for an authentic New Orleans meal-including corn, potatoes, sausage, gumbo, shrimp-and there’s beer from a Louisiana microbrewery,” said a flack for the sponsor, Slow Food USA. Chef Randall Montegut of Bon Creole Seafood is driving a half-ton of “mudbugs” all the way from New Iberia, La. “He’s got a big truck. There’s no other way!”

[Crawfish Boil, South Street Seaport, Pier 17 Building, third-floor atrium, 1 to 4 p.m., 212-965-5640, slowfoodusa.org.]

Sunday 16th

Fat as a house, and it’s almost bathing-suit season? Cheer up, tubbo ! The 92nd Street Y’s Pre-Summer Health and Fitness Fair has sculpting classes like the Brazilian Butt Lift , Brazilian Tummy Tuck (we’re not sure if these classes are only for those with “Brazilian” wax jobs), Sensuous Pilates and Feldenkrais -which sounds like the name of that guy you slept with at Oktoberfest . And since we’re all going to be walking a little more thanks to the taxi-fare hike , stroll over to Central Park for the annual AIDS Walk New York , a 10K trek that starts in the Sheep Meadow. For those who think AIDS is history, well, history has a funny way of repeating itself.

[Pre-Summer Health and Fitness Fair, 92nd Street Y May Center for Health, Fitness, and Sport, 92nd Street and Lexington Avenue, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., 212-415-5729; AIDS Walk New York, meet at the Sheep Meadow, entrance at 67th Street and Central Park West, 9:15 a.m., http://www.aidswalk.net.

Monday 17th

What is it about architects and springtime? The city is turned out in T-Squares tonight. First, “A Private Preview of Italy” this evening, foreshadowing a show this fall of the works of architect Andrea (“Villa Rotunda”) Palladio , the fellow who brought back classical Greek architecture in the 1500’s. Then ride your Vespa over to the YIVO Institute for Jewish Research, where be-spectacled architect Daniel Libeskind and poet Chava Alberstein will be honored for their global achievements. Later, fashion toadies gather at the Maritime to toast “emerging talent” Derek Lam (dusty opulence), Zac Posen ( Pirates of Penzance meets meatpacking district circa 2002) and Patrick Robinson (populist chic), all of whom have been nominated for the CFDA’s 2004 Perry Ellis Awards . We caught up with the delightfully composed Mr. Lam in his West Coast studio and found out that his being nominated for such an award “never crossed my mind”-and while he’s been in the schmattes trade for more than a decade, he was “ready to wait for any acknowledgment whatsoever.” Mr. Lam’s approach, he said, is simply to ask himself, “How do I want my friends to dress?” How is he prepping for the award ceremony? “To make sure I’ve brushed my teeth.”

[A Private Preview of Italy, New York School of Interior Design, 170 East 70th Street, 646-654-0085; "From Poland to Israel and Then to the World," the Center for Jewish History, 15 West 16th Street, 6 p.m., 212-246-6080; Perry Ellis Awards Nominees Celebration, La Bottega Caffé, Maritime Hotel, 366 West 16th Street, 7 to 9 p.m., by invitation only.]

Tuesday 18th

Hello, sailor! Back at the Maritime -which will never be ” over” because you can smoke there- fashion and rock mate at tonight’s filthy slap-up , as Mossy flies in ( sans Baby-Papa) from London to celebrate Picture This: Debbie Harry & Blondie , the ubiquitous photographer Mick Rock’s homage to the ageless Ms. Harry. And in more proof that life post- Apprentice is one big party , former apprentice Sam Solovey has temporarily shelved the whole “I’m going to be the boss of the world” thing to give acting a try. He guest-stars in Tony ‘n’ Tina’s Wedding , which at 16 years running has lasted longer than every other marriage in this town. He got on the line from his home in Chevy Chase, Md., where he’s busy planning his own wedding in August. “More than the role, it was the opportunity to work with a great cast of performers and do something a little different,” he said of the acting gig. “I wanted to extend some of the excitement of The Apprentice .” Is he noivous? “I tend to most comfortable when other people are uncomfortable, so I think I’ll be fine.” Perhaps he needs to reread his Emerson ….

[ Picture This , Hiro Ballroom, Maritime Hotel, 366 West 16th Street, 9 p.m., by invitation only; Tony 'n' Tina's Wedding , St. Luke's Church, 308 West 46th Street, 7 p.m., 212-352-3101.]

Wednesday 19th

We’re fluffing up our $10 knockoff mini-kilt (the one we bust out occasionally to titillate the senior editors) and skipping over to Cipriani, where there’s a lunch following Burberry’s trotting out of its fall/winter schmatte this morning. That means Newsweek editor Lally (“Lolli”) Weymouth clanks sickly sweet bellinis with co-host Jessica Seinfeld , who knows a thing or two about marrying well. Make sure to put yourself down on the list for the gold trench. Take a soggy and snoggy nap and then make sure not to miss Daniel Schwarz talking about Damon Runyon . We spoke with Mr. Schwarz, modernist scholar and relic of Cornell’s English department, at his upstate residence where, he quipped, “people actually have space for more than one telephone.” “Runyon created the image we have of New York: He invented underworld chic, from the gangster characters we all know and love to the fast-talking Woody Allen character of Broadway Danny Rose , right through the Sex and the City gals,” said Mr. Schwarz, adding that Runyon was famous “like Dan Rather!” And how come we all watch The Sopranos , sir? “We identify with the mobsters because they fulfill our fantasy of settling our problems without issue-our sublimated desire for an estrangement of the duties of a respectable society. Secretly, we all want to throw people out the window.”

[Burberry Preview Luncheon, Cipriani, 110 East 42nd Street, 11:30, by invitation only; "Broadway Boogie-Woogie: Damon Runyon and the Making of New York City Culture," Reading Room, Mercantile Library, 17 East 47th Street, 6 p.m., 212-755-6710]