Eight Day Week

Wednesday 26th

Fashion’s most vile trend? Apparently it’s now “in” to wear fur in the summer , proof yet again that this city is not lacking in fools who will pretty much do almost anything if some fashion jackass tells them to …. Tonight, the fur flies at furrier Dennis Basso’s show in the capacious halls of Cipriani, as fur fans like talk-show diva Star Jones and low-fat powder-puff princess Olivia Chantecaille look on with brainless adoration …. In a perfect world there’d be peace on earth, Triple Stuf Oreos and we’d be drunk right now. Well, one out of three ain’t bad! And tonight they’re working on the peace thing at the increasingly déclassé Soho House -in the White Room, no less-where the cool kids hoist a cocktail for “Peace Games.” It’s designed to end violence in schools. And while everyone and his uncle is watchin g The Soprano s repeatedly on demand, Sirius Radio is taking it elsewhere. The Wiseguys radio show , which premieres tonight, is like “a goombah version of Saturday Night Live ,” according to Vincent (Big Pussy) Pastore , who will helm the three-hour chatfest with pals like Cha-Cha, Brooklyn Joe and Vinnie . Will they give comics who appear on the show a hard time? “Sometimes we get comics in who aren’t ready,” Mr. Pussy said. “We have fun with them-youknowwuddahmean, schweet-haht ?” To toast the first show, Rudy Giuliani -ironic, since he’s the guy who put most of the real wiseguys in jail-and Judy Nathan chow (or ciao ?) down at Il Cortile on Mulberry Street with celebutantes like Marina Rust, Lulu DeKwiatowski and Lucie Sykes-Rellie , which means you’ll hear at least one story about how “Daddy actually knew an awfully nice Italian chap who used to fix his car.”

[Dennis Basso, Fall/Winter 2004, Cipriani, 110 East 42nd Street, 2:30 p.m., by invitation only; Peace Games, Soho House, 8 p.m., by invitation only; Wiseguys dinner, Il Cortile, 125 Mulberry Street, by invitation only.]

Thursday 27th

Honk if you love Christopher Plummer! Back when men were men-and not lazy, insolent guys in pricey jeans and mutton chops -youhad statesman Archibald MacLeish (not to be confused with Cary Grant, whose proper name was Archie Leach ). He was a poet, playwright, Yale man, confidant of F.D.R. , director of the War Department’s Office of Facts and Figures , U.S. delegate to UNESCO following WWII, double Pulitzer Prize–winner -and more. He was also a dear chum to hottie Christopher Plummer , and tonight Mr. Von Trapp sings a lullaby to his late comrade in the form of a swell tribute, “Remembering Archie.” For those who actually watch those incredibly depressing We Love the 80s VH1 shows, Pat Benatar -she of the infamous ta-ta-shaking in her “Love Is a Battlefield” video-bravely emerges from the forests of anonymity to conquer the “battlefield” that is Union Square. After playing maestro to choir minions from her alma mater (Lindenhurst), the original Avril Lavigne belts some tunes to raise skin-cancer awareness, as skater-bois and Manhattan hippies buy kale at the farmer’s market. The goopy mess is sponsored by Coppertone (today is something called “National Wear Sunscreen Day”) …. And take your chances with the hysterical trusto-hippie activists behind Design for Democracy , which is hocking faux Oval Office furniture by swish designers to raise money for “the cause.” It all takes place at the Maritime, because nothing says “liberal democracy” like a velvet rope, bottle service and a V.I.P. room. Arrive early and bleed your heart to host committee members Julianne Moore (mainstream) and Maggie Gyllenhaal (downstream). In other news, Thursdays are the new Mondays, which are the old Fridays -so Target (or “Targetto,” it’s called by Westchester teens who wished they lived in the ‘hood ) decided to beat the holiday-weekend masses with an assault on the South Fork , where they’ll turn on the automatic sliding doors ( whirrrrrrr! ) of their “totally divine” home-and-garden shop.

[“Remembering Archie: A Tribute to Archibald MacLeish,” 92nd Street Y, 8 p.m., 212-415-5500; Pat Benatar, Union Square Park, 12:30 p.m.; Design for Democracy, the Maritime Hotel Ballroom, 366 West 17th Street, 6 p.m., 718-290-9153; Target Vernissage, 2546 Montauk Highway, Bridgehampton, 7 p.m., by invitation only.]

Friday 28th

More proof that life before noon should not exist: It’s the battle of the morning-show concert series! In this corner, ABC’s Good Morning America has resurrected 90’s singing triad Wilson Phillips -comprised of Chynna Phillips (the pretty one), Wendy Wilson (the sorta pretty but possibly secretly kinky one) and her sister Carnie (made an entire career out of gaining and losing weight ; most definitely kinky and surely the most fun). A few blocks away, the Counting Crows’ Adam Duritz stops counting the crows circling his career long enough to squawk for Katie and Co. of NBC’s The Today Show . Later today, leave the office at 4:30 p.m. after realizing that the reservation for your boss’ “long lunch” must have been at Nick & Toni’s. Also out in the ho-ho-Hamptons -which are looking to be even more rancid than usual this year, though expect a New York Times Styles section piece any day now about how the Hamptons are “strangely quiet and peaceful” this summer- Antony Todd (Manhattan über- florist who we bet has gone on a hedge-pruning rampage or two in his day) has found a business partner in frisky swinging socialite Nina Griscom . Today, the petal pusher and his co-ho open the doors to their new, imaginatively titled “lifestyle” store, Antony Todd Nina Griscom , as the Memorial Day weekend begins and you settle down for a nice summer with TiVo.

[Wilson Phillips, Bryant Park, Upper Terrace, 42nd Street between Fifth and Sixth avenues, 7 a.m., 212-768-4242 ; Counting Crows, outside NBC Today window at World Plaza, 49th Street and Rockefeller Plaza, 7 a.m., http://www.nbc.com; Antony Todd Nina Griscom, 28 Job’s Lane, Southampton, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., 631-204-1100.]

Saturday 29th

Schmatte attack! What’s going on in fashion these days? Designers slapping butterflies and bows on grown women , cranking out flimsy camisoles that look like they had a fight with a BeDazzler and lost , and don’t even get us started on this new “shorts and stilettos” combo (yes, you too can look like a Jersey City hooker!) . Fluttery clothier Catherine Malandrino does her part by opening a branch of her flirty offerings on Long Island …. Meanwhile, did you ever see The Man from Elysian Fields ? We’ll save you the rental fee: Yale alum/struggling writer (Andy Garcia) unable to support family (Julianna Margulies ) turns to man-whoring , ruining his marriage. This “a little too close to home” plot does not bode well for us. ( Note to self: Ask for raise.) Anyways, today in those very same fields are the pitter-patter of well-shod feet plodding the Potatohampton Minithon . The 10K race was started 26 years ago by Dan Rattiner of Dan’s Papers . We found him at the dentist post–root canal. “It’s like childbirth, only twice as bad!” he said, to which women across the city can only reply, “Yeah, go ahead and think that, you wimp!” About the race: “One year we had a guy become dehydrated as he was in the lead and coming down the home stretch. He just kind of wandered off into the field and disappeared . We took him to the hospital and he was fine, of course, but he was upset he didn’t win.” Any celebs? “There’s a well-known surgeon, Dr. Mehmet Oz , who was named one of People ‘s 50 Most Beautiful People …. Rick Moranis ran it some years ago.” Plucky little fella. Afterward, putter over to Sag Harbor for the opening of 21 Water -another numerically themed boîte (see: 66 , Soho 323 , Table 50 , 5 Ninth, the 40/40 Club ). “Celeb” D.J.’s Cameron Douglas and Paul Sevigny scratch while you scratch your head and ask yourself what you could have been thinking when you plunked down for that summer share back in February ….

[Catherine Malandrino store opening, 27 Newtown Lane, East Hampton, 212-529-5533, ext. 250, by invitation only; Potatohampton Minithon, Presbyterian Church, Bridgehampton, 2429 Montauk Highway, 9:30 a.m., 561-655-7464; 21 Water opening, 21 West Water Street, Sag Harbor, 10 p.m., 212-477-8090.]

Sunday 30th

Stuck in the city? Thank your lucky stars you’re not out in the Hamptons with the rest of those ill-bred, sweatily ambitious suckers! Here, you got Raising Helen with Kate Hudson , who’s surely got one more box-office flop in her; the Jake Gyllenhaal vehicle The Day After Tomorro w (rent Donnie Darko and fire up a fatty instead); Soul Plane (a comedy starring Tom Arnold and Method Man -now there’s a cast with some range); Mandy Moore doing the evangelical turn in Saved! with co-star Macaulay Culkin (who can always write a book about his friendship with Michael Jackson if his movie career continues to flail). Meanwhile, Esquire editors belly up to the bar at Jet East ( “Is this place hot ? I’d heard this place was hot …. Oh, man-look at her …. Anyone have cell-phone reception? I need to call the nanny-and that’s not all I’d like to do to her …. Hee hee hee … ” ) for the magazine’s summer-issue release party. Kinda makes you wish you were sittin’ through Soul Plane , don’t it?

[212-777-FILM for local listings; Esquire summer-issue release party, Jet East, 1181 North Sea Road, Southampton, 10 p.m., 631-283-0808 for “table reservations,” a.k.a. $200 for a bottle of Absolut.]

Monday 31st

Let’s be honest, Troy sucked- and our drunk friend kept yelling, “Where’s the horse ?!” (right before we got kicked out). Luckily there’s a historically accurate Greek recapitulation at the Met’s Greek Galleries. Today the museum is opened ‘specially for you, so spritz on a summery scent and cruise the halls to take in Byzantium: Faith and Power (1261-1557) ; Christo and Jeanne-Claude: The Gates, Central Park, New York ; Painters of Reality: The Legacy of Leonardo and Caravaggio in Lombardy ; Echoing Images: Couples in African Sculpture ; or August Sander: People of the Twentieth Century–A Photographic Portrait of Germany . If you can’t find a summer girl/boyfriend at one of those exhibits, honey, might be time to look at those Russian Web sites ….

[Metropolitan Museum of Art, 1000 Fifth Avenue, 9:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., 212-535-7710.]

Tuesday 1st

Back in the 70’s, when porn was actually sexy and when Democrats actually believed in stuff and when Linda Ronstadt was a star, she sang Cali soft rock . Then, when people stopped caring, she sang some gnu wave . Then, when people cared even less, she sang light opera . Then, when people cared even less than they didn’t care before, she discovered her ethnic roots and began to sing Spanish-language ballads . Today she sings … something at the Beacon Theater as confused Phish fans continue to roam the surrounding streets looking for tickets ….

[Linda Ronstadt and the American Festival Orchestra, Beacon Theatre, 2124 Broadway, 8 p.m., 212-496-7070.]

Wednesday 2nd

Posen for the camera: Zac Posen , who poses more than the models for whom he designs, shows up at Lot 61 for tonight’s “TeachersCount!” spring fling , where he and muse/sister Alexandra Posen raise money for education so kids everywhere can wear the proverbial smarty-pants. Never mind that no one at tonight’s bash would ever deign to enter the teaching profession themselves. If you don’t have dollars to spare, can’t crash and were home-schooled anyway , Sigourney Weaver hosts a “literary salon” at one of those hip artsy collectives- wait, this just in – Sig has flaked, and the flack won’t say why. So humorist David Sedaris helms it alone, reading his own work and joined by Paul (Law & Order ) Hecht and Mary Beth Hurt (the hot one in Interiors) .

[TeachersCount Spring Fling, Lot 61, 21st Street at 11th Avenue, 9 p.m., by invitation only; David Sedaris Introduces, Peter Jay Sharp Theatre, Symphony Space, 2537 Broadway, 8 p.m., 212-864-5400.]