Farewell, summer, iced skim lattes and R.N.C. delegates ; hello, hot drinks , NBC sitcoms destined to fail and the new round-toed shoe with a heel so high that fall’s hottest sport is watching Condé Nast editors wobble their way around the cobblestone streets of the meat packing district (a neighborhood soon to be announced as “Hot … Again!” by the adorably befuddled New York Times ). In current events: The G.O.P. kicks it old-school tonight with large glitzy bashes at fancy uptown places. But just because the counter-convention revolutionaries can’t book the Copa, it doesn’t mean they aren’t putting on a good show: If you love righteous young women in their underwear , or if you’re just a fan of alliteration, check out the Panty Protest at the Robert F. Wagner Jr. Park in Battery Park City. It’s being run by the Axis of Eve , that organization of young women who hawk underwear with lefty slogans ( “Drill Bush Not Oil,” “Lick Bush” ) and who, unlike their sisters of the 1960’s, are cozily averse to using their real names. ( Courage , ladies, courage !) The idea is for a mass flash to, according to their mission statement, “lay bare the shameful tactics of the Bush administration and demand an end to political cover-up.” Apple Eve, 30, one of the core founders (who insisted that she picked her protest name before Gwynnie had her Apple), said, “It’s a visual postcard to the Republicans to call for honesty in politics …. I heard today that we’re being covered by German TV . For some reason, the Germans love us.” Throw in a few enemas , honey, and the Germans will give you your own TV deal! Much further up the West Side Highway, David Schickler reads and discusses his debut novel, Sweet and Vicious . Mr. Schickler burst onto the literary scene when movie rights to his short story “The Smoker,” published in The New Yorker in 2000, were sold the same day it came out . Ain’t literature grand! Now Natalie Portman -who’s overdue for the requisite nude scene (see: Holmes, Katie )-and Owen Wilson are filming the story (“I just pray for one day on the set,” said the author), and Mr. Schickler is penning the screenplay for his novel, which he described as “part cliffhanger, part bodice-ripper, part crime novel and part fairy tale.” Sounds like the Republican convention, doesn’t it? Which, getting back to that , there’s a free party tonight for protesters at scuzz-bucket Siberia bar , where blond publicists in short skirts go to get blind drunk on bad booze and get picked up by guys who look like cowboys …. But we still want to know : Where can one go to protest the G.O.P. and the protesters?
[“Panty Protest: Operation Expose and Depose,” Robert F. Wagner Jr. Park, Battery Park City, 5:30 p.m. (flash at 6 p.m. sharp), axisofeve.org; Sweet and Vicious book reading, Barnes and Noble, 2289 Broadway at 82nd Street; 7:30 p.m., 212-362-8835; Party for Protesters, Siberia Bar, 356 West 40th Street at Ninth Avenue, 7 p.m. to 4 a.m., http://www.siberiany.com.]
The G.O.P delegates crack their last jokes to the city’s waiters (“Shouldn’t you be serving me on the right … ? Har- dee- har- har- har … cough, sputter, hack … “) as the man sure to be awarded Most Popular from this week’s activities, John McCain , is honored yet again with cocktails tonight at Elaine’s , hosted by John Byrne , editor of Fast Company magazine, whose September issue’s theme is courage, including an essay on the subject by the Senator himself. “When I started planning our ‘Courage’ issue, I asked myself who embodied the concept of courage,” said Mr. Byrne. “John McCain immediately came to mind-and, in fact, no one else did.” Besides the Senator, other contributors to the issue rumored to attend include author Pete Hamill , historian David Halberstam and former New Jersey Governor Tom Kean , who we wish was running for President after his perfect-pitch stewardship of the 9/11 commission. Much further downtown, composer Philip Glass (responsible for the tinkly tones heard during The Hours ) hosts a screening of the Oscar-winning documentary The Fog of War at Tribeca Cinemas. Proceeds go to Clear Path International, which has land-mine-survivor assistance projects in Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. The documentary focuses on the government decision-makers who send young men to war. How that’s applicable to this week’s convention is anyone’s guess ….
[ Fast Company honors John McCain, Elaine’s, 1703 Second Avenue at 88th Street, 6 p.m. to 8 p.m., by invitation only; Fog of War screening, Tribeca Cinemas, 54 Varick Street at Laight Street, 7 p.m., http://www.cpi.org.]
Auf Wiedersehen , Arnie! As Governor Schwarzenegger and his fellow Republicans melt away into America’s sagging middle , we’ve still got a few days till the deeply tanned Hamptonites scurry shamefully back to town-but keep your eyes open for the deathly pale paranoiacs who spent the last week holed up in their 300-square-foot apartments with duct tape, Wheat Thins, a freaked-out feline and short-wave radio . However, someone forgot to tell our friends down on the Bowery that, um, it’s over! Tonight, CBGB’s hosts a ” Going Out of Democracy Sale ,” which organizer Richard West pointed out is a mock auction . “I satirize both the left and the right , but I guess most of my animus is directed toward the right,” said Mr. West, who’ll admit to being in his early 60’s but points out that he’s often mistaken for early 50’s (whatever, Grandpa). He’ll be introducing artists such as Billionaires for Bush, Dada N.Y. and Penny Arcade ; plus he’ll be singing original material such as “The Son of a Bush from Texas.” Speaking of sales, it’s still tax-free here, so go get yourself some corduroy .
[Going Out of Democracy Sale, CBGB, 313 Bowery, 8 p.m., http://www.cbgb.com.]
Hell, who doesn’t love autumn in New York (not counting, of course, that Richard Gere–Winona Ryder movie)? Celebrate all things autumnal at the 19th Annual Autumn Crafts Festival , which kicks off the first of two consecutive weekends at Lincoln Center. Why? Because there just aren’t enough opportunities to see live sheep being shorn anymore. The center expects 220,000 people to attend over the two weekends (start running, sheep!) and will display a full range of American craft , from wool-spinning to today’s highlighted craft, live crocheting with wire by Joan Dulla . O.K.! If you can’t make it out to Queens for the Open , you can check out a much smaller version ( ping! ) during the opening day of the Third Annual CCBA Cup–Kong Kee Table Tennis Championship. Admission is free; no word on whether there’s a beer-pong event involved ( sorry , Bush twins!), but you will have an opportunity to see the greatest of the sport, Li Yuxiang , former Chinese national champion and current senior world champion ( pong! ).
[Autumn Crafts Festival, Lincoln Center Plaza, Columbus Avenue at 64th Street, 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., http://www.craftsatlincoln.org;
CCBA Cup–Kong Kee Table Tennis
Championship, Chinese Community Center, 62 Mott Street, 8:30 a.m. to 6 p.m.]
Two more days of tax-free shopping , and two more days of wearing white and linen with abandon, so take back the formerly convention-ridden streets for the Brazilian Day Street Festival up and around Little Brazil, which- who knew ?-is in midtown. Practice your Capoeira moves with a Caipirosca in hand. If you’re still plunked down in the sand, rouse your mate and head to the East Hampton art auction benefiting the Chabad . According to Vered, the mononymic co-director of the Vered Gallery: “They’re not Reform, not quite Orthodox-sort of in between. They are extraordinary, taking care of Jews all over the world. They don’t care what you did, where you come from, and they certainly don’t proscribe what to wear. If you’re a drug dealer, as long as you come, they will take you in.” Mr. Vered added, apparently as a non sequitur: “Ron Perelman is one of our greatest supporters.” A percentage of the proceeds from the paintings by Warhol, Matisse, Picasso, Naguchi and Stella will go to the Chabad. Eat while you bid.
[Brazilian Day Festival, Little Brazil, 46th Street between Fifth and Seventh avenues,
11 a.m.; Chabad brunch and benefit, Vered Art Gallery, 68 Park Place Passage, East Hampton, 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., 631-324-3303.]
Labor Day: It’s not just for the people who inconsiderately schedule their weddings for three-day weekends ( ahem … ). According to lore, “It’s a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity and well-being of our country.” The who? The what? All we know is, you’re not supposed to wear white shoes anymore , and no one on our staff boinked any of the Ivy League interns. For those who insist that nothing happens in the city on Labor Day-oh, how wrong you are! If you went to see Tom Cruise’s chompers last year in the swollen epic The Last Samurai and were awed by his fierce concentration with the sword, or even if you just liked the look of Uma Thurman in that yellow number in Kill Bill , tonight’s samurai sword-fighting workshop will teach you-among other things- suburi (swing) and kata (form). Pack some yellow Asics; swords provided.
[Samurai Sword-Fighting (general class for all levels), New York Dance Center, 158 West 26th Street, 7:30 to 9 p.m., 212-924-9903.]
The red rogues have hardly left as the fashion folk tiptoe out of hiding and into town for the spring/summer ’05 prêt-à-porter shows , requisite store openings, label launches and the ever-shrinking gift bag. Chelsea’s Robert Miller Gallery transforms itself into a catwalk wonderland , with models doing the figure eight around enormous bicycle sculptures by Ai Wei Wei. What’ll they be wearing? A few seasons after winning GenArt’s highest honors, closet carny and RISD graduate Sari Gueron shows off her collection of wispy shreds to the happy few who get off work or finish their lunches early: “My dresses convey a certain mood rather than a tangible inspiration. They’re all about nonchalant elegance-to give the impression that you didn’t try that hard, but still manage to look amazing.” Although the frocks (not saris) sell at Henri Bendel and Kirna Zabete, this will be Ms. Gueron’s first runway show. Up the road, the clothes of Italian print master Emilio Pucci get a shop and a party , while a few blocks away, society snapster Patrick McMullan will be fêted at Saks. “All 26 windows of Saks will be filled with my book-of course I’m thrilled!” said he. Tonight, he’ll have camera in hand: “If I can’t take pictures at my own party, what do I have?” His new book, InTents , “is a celebration of the last 10 years in the Bryant Park tents-everything that happens under their roofs.” Which means models, handbag dogs and schwag. The desperately dreary summer has been kind to you, so stop complaining and put that stored energy to use: Will it be feline phantasm Jocelyn Wildenstein aptly hostessing the Ten Tigers exhibit, or Anna (Trim Spa) Smith doing her bit for Mao mag? And we hate to cast a bummer on Fashion Week, but whose idea was it to name a magazine after a murderous tyrant?
[Sari Gueron spring/summer collection, Robert Miller Gallery, 526 West 26th Street,
5 p.m., by invitation only; Emilio Pucci store opening, 701 Fifth Avenue, 6 to 8 p.m., by invitation only; InTents book launch, Saks Fifth Avenue, 611 Fifth Avenue, 8 to 11 p.m., by invitation only; Ten Tigers exhibition, Milk Gallery, 450 West 15th Street, 8 to 10 p.m.,
by invitation only; Mao magazine, issue no. 3, Mao Space at Atlas, 66 West 38th Street,
8 p.m. to midnight, by invitation only.]
Butts are the new boobs, and today the designerette brigade continues …. First up, Nicole Romano shows Capitale’s library how, if you stick with the Stairmaster, you might make it into her designs. “The collection is all about the woman who travels as a way to escape-maybe a sort of seaside glamour,” said Ms. Romano. “Which means there will be porno bikinis!” Meep! “I like to just throw on a pair of big earrings and a dress, but if I could fit into it, I’d wear Cloak men’s wear.” Next! Laura Poretzky , who says her Abaeté line (see: Brazilian boho jet set) was inspired by “the last four Russian czarinas and their outfits.” According to Ms. Poretzky, the collection will be “the colors of St. Petersburg: whites, mint green, coral. Their whole story is terribly tragic, though the clothes will be a little mysterious and feminine.” Tragedy and femininity do go hand-in-hand, we suppose. “Quite fittingly,” Ms. Poretzky added, “one of the girls modeling is a prima ballerina- Maria Kowroski of the New York City Ballet-but I’m still very nervous!” Meanwhile, that posterior prodigy and inventor of the Wonderbutt trouser, Alvin Valley -who may or may not be helming Salvatore Ferragamo in the near future-sends his bum-tastic gazelles down the runway. Hide your misery in a wrap dress: Diane von Furstenberg’s collection is only a few days away. And for those whom they didn’t put to sleep at MTV’s Video Music Awards, Usher and Beyoncé are scheduled at a “Fashion Rocks” party at Radio City Hall. Why are we starting to miss the Republicans ?
[Nicole Romano spring/summer collection, Capitale, 130 Bowery, 6 p.m., by invitation only; Laura Poretzky for Abaeté, Altman Building, 135 West 18th Street, 8 p.m., by invitation only; Alvin Valley, location T.B.A., 7 p.m., by invitation only; Fashion Rocks; Radio City Music Hall, 1260 Sixth Avenue, 8 p.m., 212-247-4777.]