May 18, 2005 – May 25, 2005

Wednesday 18th

May is the new April! Other lessons learned this week: Not every woman can pull off the blousy-tunic-over-jeans look; starlets continue to shrink; men don’t like it when you chomp down on their nuts; and it’s not a cold, it’s allergies. O.K .! Tonight is a special one for those in catty media circles who have been rubbing their moist palms gleefully in anticipation for the relaunch (ker- plop!) of Radar magazine, a much-hyped bimonthly ( heh, heh) publication from editor in chief Maer Roshan, formerly of Talk and New York. “It’s been a long time coming,” said Mr. Roshan. “I think everyone is going to be in a celebrating mood.” Tonight, the ravenous, the curious and the simply bored will hit André Balazs’ latest flop shack, Hotel QT, in Times Square to celebrate the magazine’s first issue, which hits the stands next Tuesday. “Hopefully, people will drink and have a good time,” said Mr. R. We asked which fancy celebrity types would be attending. ” Everyone is a celebrity at Radar.” Here we go. Sigh. Moving on, People en Español (a magazine we find more compelling than the English version) holds its “50 Most Beautiful,” or “50 Más Bellos” (see how much better it is?), party at Capitale this evening. Expected to show themselves, among others, are Queer Eye’s Jai Rodriguez (who may or may not be the same person as Jay Manuel from America’s Next Top Model), That 70’s Show’s Wilmer Valderrama (Lindsay Lohan’s ex) and songstress Gloria Estefan. Try to refrain from wearing glittering halters and just put on a plain little black dress, ladies. Speaking of which, go mess with the penguins’ heads over at the Central Park Zoo, where black tie is required at the Wildlife Conservation Safari bash. Tiffany and Co. is being honored for something, but most importantly, there’s cocktails by the sea-lion pool and dinner and dancing with the penguins and polar bears! Don’t feed ‘em your toddlers! Why can’t all benefits be like this?

[Radar magazine launch, Hotel QT, 125 West 45th Street, 7 to 10 p.m., by invitation only; 50 Más Bellos, Capitale, 130 Bowery, 6:30 p.m., by invitation only; Wildlife Conservation Safari, Central Park Zoo, Fifth Avenue at 64th Street, 6:30 p.m., 914-235-1272.]

Thursday 19th

Revenge of the Nerds  ell, the freak shows who have been camped out in front of the Ziegfeld are rewarded with the next installment in the Star Wars saga, The Revenge of the Sith. Try to blend in and wear your best Mark Hamill haircut. Meanwhile, Operation Smile, an organization that sends volunteers to repair facial deformities, appears to be a big hit among celebs and socialites, with members of the executive committee for tonight’s gala including blueblood Amanda Hearst, hot-pants Elizabeth Kieselstein-Cord and Apprentice runner-up Kwame Jackson. In a somewhat unholy union, the co-hosts for the event are none other than Mafia princess Jamie-Lynn DiScala from The Sopranos and waxy Billy Bush of Access Hollywood. The evening will include a dinner, cocktails and a runway show. The invite calls for “Evening Spring Chic,” so expect lots of metallic-hued strappy sandals and floaty dresses. More Sopranos cast members and benefits are to be found stumbling around Tribeca to support St. Vincent’s Medical Center. Ms. Edie (Carmela) Falco co-hosts with succulent new mommy Liv Tyler. “I don’t know how they got involved, ” said the refreshingly honest rep, Michael Fagan. “The money raised will go to three of our most important programs, including the neonatal intensive-care unit. It’s going to be a nice, dynamic event with people from all areas in life.” Meantime, not helping humanity in any sort of way (but sure to have good-looking people) will be the Cosmopolitan celebration for H. and M. (that fantastic saving grace of a store in a crowded landscape of unaffordable clothes) on the roof of the fancy-schmancy Hotel Gansevoort by the pool. Somebody dunk Maer Roshan! Oops, wrong party!

[Operation Smile benefit and fashion show, Waterfront N.Y., 224 12th Avenue, 7 p.m., 212-604-9236; St. Vincent's Medical Center benefit, Thalassa Restaurant, 179 Franklin Street, 6 to 10 p.m., 212-941-7661; H. and M. and Cosmopolitan poolside campaign, Hotel Gansevoort pool, 18th Ninth Avenue, 7 to 11 p.m., by invitation only.]

Friday 20th

Kushner ? I barely knew her! alented Angels in America playwright Tony Kushner is honored this evening for his “inspirational work and tireless commitment to the understanding and acceptance of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community” (frankly, that “transgender” always throws us, but it’s one of those things we’ve decided to just let drop for this lifetime) by the Trevor Project, a nonprofit established to help gay youths and help suicide prevention. The party is at the ever-creepy Crobar, billed as a night of “comedy and revelry” with performances from Broadway’s Jackie Hoffman and Sarah Jones, plus a live auction hosted by Queer Eye Carson Kressley (smells delicious) and sassy Rosie Perez. Meanwhile … is that Hillary we hear guffawing in the dark? Yes: Monica! The Musical opens tonight for a limited engagement. We can’t wait to see the razzamatazz dance number entitled “Blue Dress.” And if you passed on the Sith movie, take your thith-ter to see Bobcat Goldthwait’s 1992 film, Shakes the Clown, the standard by which all movies about drunk clowns are measured.

[The Trevor Project's "A Totally Funny … Whatever" Charity Event, Crobar, 530 West 28th Street, 6:30 p.m., http://www.thetrevorproject.org; Monica! The Musical, Theatre Three, 311 West 43rd Street, http://www.monicathemusical.com; Shakes the Clown, Anthology Film Archives, 32 Second Avenue, http://www.theonion.com.

Saturday 21st

As if New York women don’t feel cowed enough by the city’s army of smug mommies and mommies-to-be, who act as though they were the first generation ever to conceive today marks the start of Mamapalooza 2005 ( sigh), subtitled ” A Festival for Moms Who Rock,” in Riverside Park-watch out for bears!-with music from bands named Housewives on Prozac, Motherlode Trio and Momsense, as well as art and food. Speaking of which, Tribeca fires up its grills for the 11th Annual Taste of Tribeca (tastes high-priced!) with nibblies from Megu, the Odeon, Walker’s, Chanterelle, Danube, Bouley and 66, among others. If you prefer latex to latkes, lurk by the New York Burlesque Festival, sponsored by the Museum of Sex (a place only German tourists and pirates frequent). Tonight at Hiro in the Maritime Hotel, there will be 40 of burlesque’s “most accomplished performers from around the globe,” with someone named Murray Hill hosting. Think tassels, black lipstick and redheaded guys with piquant body odor who want to talk to you about Henry Miller.

[Mamapalooza, Riverside Park South, noon to 4 p.m., http://www.mamapalooza.com; Taste of Tribeca, Duane Street between Greenwich and Hudson, 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m., http://www.tasteoftribeca.com; Saturday Spectacular, Hiro Ballroom, Maritime Hotel, 363 West 16th Street, http://www.themaritimehotel.com.

Sunday 22nd

Break out your madras and Lacoste, there’s a Harvard-versus Yale polo match in-where else?- Greenwich, Conn. (Don’t fret, there’s a “Polo Express” straight from Grand Central … sigh.) The afternoon includes a silent auction, some no doubt tasteful-yet-tasteless food, and musical entertainment (we’re guessing Whiffenpoofs, but who knows?). More city-centric is the panel discussion ” The Season Dissected,” about the 2004-5 theatrical season, with The Village Voice’s Michael Musto, Time Out New York’s David Cote and Newsday’s Linda Winer, among others. Make it a drinking game and take a Rumplemints shot every time someone mentions Spamalot! Probably no spam to be found at the American Institute of Wine and Food’s Champagne Gala at the pretty-ceiling’d Guastavino’s, where five-course meals are paired with champagnes and fine wines. Gluttony will be followed by a silent auction, and proceeds will go to scholarships (including one called, intriguingly, the Michael Jackson Beer Education Scholarship).

[Harvard-versus-Yale polo game, Polo Express leaves Grand Central at 2:07 p.m., http://www.hypolo.com; "The Season Dissected," Ars Nova, 511 West 54th Street, 12:30 p.m., http://www.arsnovanyc.com; Champagne Gala, Guastavino's, 409 East 59th Street, 6:30 to 9:30 p.m., http://www.aiwf.org.

Monday 23rd

Legend of the Paw: Chelsea art gallery and dogs-what could be better? Art for Animals, a nonprofit that supports the rescue and adoption of the furry homeless, holds a Canine Cocktail Party. “It’s one of those parties you have to have fun with,” enthused board member Barrie Olsen. “We’re at the Gagosian Gallery, which has great pieces of art, and we have rescuers come with the dogs that are up for adoption.” According to Ms. Olsen, every time they’ve held an event like this one, every dog finds a home. “It is the heart and soul of who we are and what we are,” she said. A drink made for this event is nightclub proprietress Serena Bass’ “Pink Bitch,” which we don’t think is named after Paris Hilton. Next! The 27th Annual American Image Awards are held at the Hyatt ballroom, hosted by none other than the uptown girl herself, Christie Brinkley. Isaac Mizrahi is being honored as “Designer of the Year” (doesn’t he design only exclusively for Target these days?). Much further downtown, you got your “Tulips and Pansies: The Headdress Affair” at Bridgewaters (the restaurant, not the Jersey mall). The benefit, which raises funds for Village Care of New York (a nonprofit that organizes health-care programs for people living with H.I.V./AIDS), throws celebrities, designers, models and flowers into the mix, with a runway show of flower headdresses by various designers. “This is a very busy social season, so we have to try and make it special,” said Village Care president and C.E.O. Arthur Webb. “People really get into it and make wonderful outfits and floral designs. We have judges, and it really gets competitive.” Participating this year is Project Runway darling Austin Scarlett, Trump wedding planner Preston Bailey, downtowner favorite designer Alice Roi and Observer pal Simon Doonan. But, as Mr. Webb reminded us, the message is serious: “We’re still fighting this godawful virus. AIDS is still vicious and will kill you if you’re not smart about it.”   Meep.

[Art for Animals, Gagosian Gallery, 555 West 24th Street, 6 to 8 p.m., http://www.artforanimals.org; the 27th Annual American Image Awards, Grand Hyatt Hotel, Park Avenue at Grand Central Terminal, 7 p.m., 845-758-5749; Tulips and Pansies: The Headdress Affair, Bridgewaters, 11 Fulton Street, 7 p.m., http://www.vcny.org.

Tuesday 24th

Folk tale: For A Mighty Wind, Michael McKean(also known as Lenny from Laverne and Shirle y or David St. Hubbins from This Is Spinal Tap) and Annette O’ Toole (sadly, she’s not related to our would-be husband, Peter O’Toole, but she’s the mom on Smallville) garnered themselves an Oscar nomination for writing the  ultra-sincere song, “A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow.” Turns out the husband and wife team have been working on their act and heading to Feinstein’s for a couple of weeks to entertain with songs such as “Potato’s in the Paddy Wagon” and “Bingo Daddy.” (Is that like a baby daddy?) Or if you’re one of the handful of very smart people who have been breathlessly following The Contender (and why you people aren’t watching this show, we don’t understand), the final boxing match happens tonight, live from Vegas. Go, Peter Manfredo, go! Meanwhile, NBC’s not renewing the show- what are you thinking, Zucker?!

[Michael McKean and Annette O'Toole, Feinstein's at the Regency, 540 Park Avenue, http://www.ticketweb.com; The Contender, NBC, 8 p.m.] 

Wednesday 25th

Do you own he widescreen DVD of Lost in Translation? The Boredoms, who were founded in Osaka, Japan, and have been called the “Andy Kaufman of rock” (whatever that means), play a sold-out show tonight at the Bowery Ballroom. Find a Hello Kitty shirt and some knee-high socks with turtles on them and try your luck!

[The Boredoms, Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey Street, http://www.boweryballroom.com.