Lil’ Kim Gets Three Times The Sentence, But Has Four Times The Rack

What was journalist Judith Miller doing when Lil’ Kim put her best boob forward at the Video Music Awards? Probably writing an article. And what was she doing when Lil’ Kim wrote “Can’t Fuck With Queen Bee”? Probably writing another article.

So while every newsroom in the country crowded around their CNN this afternoon to keep up with Ms. Miller being remanded to jail until October, The Transom shook its ass over to the 40 Centre Street federal courthouse in Lower Manhattan. Lawyers, rappers, and drag queens all crowded into the fourth floor lobby and waited for word of Lil’ Kim’s perjury sentence. Ms. Kim, also known as Kimberly Jones, or, by her own account, “that bitch with a thousand looks,” received a year and a day in prison for lying to a grand jury. She will begin serving in mid-September.

Hardcore fans (the ones with tattoos and scrapbooks) had shown up at 7 a.m., and even some of them didn’t make it into the actual courtroom. At least forty people kept vigil in the hall, including Lil Kim’s friends, label reps, lawyers, and extended family. Meanwhile, big guns like Warner Music Group executive vice president Kevin Liles and rapper/former boxer Freddie Foxxx stayed in the back, drinking Snapples and talking to members of the Hustle Hard Entertainment entourage. “I’m just wishing for the best,” Mr. Liles said. “That’s it, man.”

Mr. Foxxx, a massive, massive man who helped escort Lil Kim’s tiny mother out of the courthouse after the hearing, told the Transom to take a walk. “I don’t do randoms,” he said after being approached for an interview. “The police do randoms.” Fans stayed away from Freddie; they kept busy trading photos and comparing their Queen Bee tattoos. Hot. The only person the Transom can think of who has a Judith Miller tattoo is Norman Pearlstine. You know, as a reminder of what shame feels like.

Bottom line is: if the judges in this country have any sense of humor, they’ll put Ms. Kim and Ms. Miller in the same cell. Two girls with tight lips, paying the price for refusing to snitch. It’s a match made in heaven… and it might make a great entry for Ms. Miller’s prison blog.
—Leon Neyfakh