Dear Aunt Vera…

KARA: I’m in the process of emailing all our friends to get their mailing addresses. It’s quite an ordeal and I really appreciate when someone responds promptly. Like Brian’s childhood best friend, who used to set trash cans on fire for fun, replied right away with his prison address. That’s good manners.

My well-meaning and intelligent father is gathering the addresses of his side of the family. His emails resemble Depression-era telegrams. Take for example this morning’s dispatch:

DEAR AUNT VERA.
PLEASE SEND! YR ADDR. KARA NEEDS ASAP FOR SAVE THE DATE. !!!!! CARD. PLS! HOW IS YOUR! KIDNEY STONE!!!!

But I shouldn’t complain about my dad since my mother refuses to venture onto the Web at all because “people know all your business” that way. So tomorrow she plans to give me her addresses the old-fashioned way: by reading each individual’s contact information over the phone, complete with live running commentary on each guest and no fast-forward.