Why I Hate Soccer

Germany-Argentina. Two great teams, playing a great competition. And what does it come down to in the end, the farce of penalty kicks! And one of the best players in the stadium, Lionel Messif, has never taken the field. I hate this game.

In a great sport, the ending is marked by the greatest achievement—Maxi Rodriguez’s left foot in overtime against Mexico the other night, a dream goal. Letting a great competition drain off into the stultifying gutchurning spectacle of Penalty Kicks is as demoralizing as, say, letting a baseball game be decided by a home run derby contest with coaches from each side throwing batting practice. Or letting a football game be decided by a field goal competition. Or a basketball game come down to a competition from the free throw line.

Please change this game. Give us endless substitutions, so the world can see Messif, and Ballack is not crawling up and down the field, and the score is 3-2 or 2-1, not 1-1.

Soccer fans, tell me why I’m wrong.