Richard Simmons, Are You Out There??

ERICA: “Did you just eat three bowls of fruit loops for dinner?” asked Greg.

“Uhm, I guess,” I say.

“What the heck is going on with you?”

That is the $64,000 question folks. In about a month’s time I have gone from fairly motivated exercise and diet wise to completely, totally full-on binge crazy. I don’t mean binge as in binge and purge…that I can’t handle. I just mean cupcakes, BLT’s, french fries, big soft street pretzels, sugary cereals, bagels with lox…ok, I’ll stop now. Let’s just say its bad…very bad.

I have three months left until my wedding and 20 pounds to lose. I know, I know…I hear the chorus of “that might be a bit too lofty a goal, Erica.” “You should really focus on one to two pounds a week…your wedding is just one day and you really want to set your sights on getting healthy for life,” I imagine all of the health freak know-it-alls saying. Right…yeah…thanks, everyone.

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I KNOW my wedding is just one day and I DO want to get back in shape and stay that way long after the wedding, but let’s get real folks: this one day is pretty much my red carpet, “thanks to the academy” shining star moment and I’ll be damned if I’m standing up in front of all of our friends and family with too much junk in my trunk.

Now I just need a gameplan…and a big one. My former stores of internal motivation are gone with the wind, and it’s crunch time. I need a former military drill seargant trainer to take pity on me. Or Jenny Craig to call and say “we’re sort of over the whole Kirstie Alley thing…would you like to be our new spokesperson?” Or a health-focused personal chef to move-in with us and cook all of my meals in exchange for witty banter and beer money.

Richard Simmons, are you out there???