Serious Inside Baseball: Imaginary Party Report #5260

The Transom refused to attend Toby Young’s book party last night, even though it was clearly the must-attend party of 2002. Did one really have to attend to report it?

Rachel Sklar was in an effusive mood, her rockin’ bod swaying slightly with the off-genre Soho House soundtrack. She warmly greeted the overly well-dressed reporter Greg Lindsay. Mr. Lindsay brushed aside compliments on his tan, the result of long hours this summer spent on the fun-loving eastern side of Ocean Beach. Remy Stern rolled his eyes roofdeck-ward almost imperceptibly as Jessica Coen made a crack about the cokey bathrooms of Soho House.

They were all trapped in the so-called “library” room, which contains no books. It was a room too small to contain such egos.

Early enough, Mr. Young’s ploy came to fruition. He, and his co-hosts, had invited both Ian Spiegelman and Doug Dechert. The two feuding gentlemen had clearly been in training for this party: both had obviously been consuming massive amounts of carbohydrates in preparation for this moment.

Spencer Morgan in The New York Observer, February 20, 2006:

“Doug, are you going to reach out to Ian?” asked Webster Hall promoter Baird Jones; he is an old friend of Mr. Dechert’s and knows how to push his buttons.

“Oh, yeah–I’m gonna reach out with my fist, right in that fuckin’ schnoz of his,” said Mr. Dechert. He gave his prepared (and likely well-worn) quote about Mr. Spiegelman: “He’s a little media mediocrity, and he has the instincts and countenance of a rodent.”

(Mr. Spiegelman, reached for comment, declined to be goaded into battle for a second time. “He seems a little obsessed with me. It’s kind of gross,” wrote Mr. Spiegelman in an e-mail. “I really don’t want to be associated with that person at all. And, no, he’s not in my book. I write dark, but not that dark.”)

And so the boys, at last, shoved each other a wee bit. One question remains: How did Jared Paul Stern, in town just for the night and looking natty, not get any ink out of this party yet?