First-year banking boys enjoyed their coke-snorting, hot-dog-eating summers just fine; L.A. sucks and Lindsay Lohan will go for a sister's neck; The Martignetti brothers, of the LES's Martignetti Liquors, are opening a restaurant; there are young policy wonk intellects!; and Dustin Hoffman is a playa.

There's the closing of the Stonewall bar (attracting "wrong," "urban" element say (cough! white!) neighbors. Who are those Anthropologie-shopping gals? Brian Williams, the last old man of TV news, wants you to touch his Peabody.The vaunted Trend Piece may be as dead as a dodo. Hey, we sneaked a Black Panther onto the front page! In movies, there's Half Nelson and Leopold's Ghost and 13 and Snakes and Idlewild. Simon Doonan recaps his homosexualist summer; Tortoise still post-rocks; Neil Sedaka sold off part of his apartment and Elizabeth Lindemann bought a $10-mil bachelorette pad, and there's a scheme for an idealist fantasy of New York. And what a heap of Iraq books!

There's Tennis! And tennis! And tennis! And tennis! And tennis! Do you like tennis?

There's our extremely self-referential comic strip. There's Christine Quinn and Malachy McCourt and the DNC and reports from Jerusalem and Beirut.

Don't ever forget there's someone for everyone. And two more words: Yacht Rock.