Photographer and Rabbi, Both MIA, Xanax Is Indicated

ERICA: I emailed our photographer three days ago and have not heard back from her. The day before yesterday I left a message for the rabbi, and he also is MIA. So far, I’ve imagined fires, car accidents, earthquakes and plane crashes. I’ve considered possible kidnapping scenarios and have been watching the news for any reports of terrorist activity on the west coast. Needless to say, I’m not handling the situation well.

I desperately need to get in touch with the rabbi so that he can help me properly fill in the form needed for our ketubah (a jewish marriage license). I’m hoping he can write out “Palm Desert, CA” in Hebrew and vouch that I didn’t screw anything else up too royally. The helpful woman at the shop where my mother-in-law and I purchased our ketubah happily shared a story of another bride who did not have her form checked out properly ahead of time and wound up with an invalid marriage license and a rabbi who was reluctant to perform the ceremony. Thanks for sharing, Lady.

I think I need to take some deep breaths. Does Xanax count as dinner?