Engagements on Ice!!!!!

TEDDY: On October 9th, Conde Nast’s Brides.com announced a partnership with The Rink at Rockefeller Center called “Engagements on Ice!!!” According to the press release, “a marriage proposal including private skate time at the historic landmark can be arranged for and with the consent of the groom. Proposals will be taped and posted on Brides.com , allowing couples to visually share their news with friends, family and other future brides and grooms. The gilded statue of Prometheus at the legendary ice rink offers the perfect backdrop to a creative way to pop the question.” (Remember Prometheus? He was the titan who was chained to a mountain, and Zeus sent an eagle to devour his liver, which regenerated every night so that he could suffer the same torment every day. The perfect backdrop.)

Brides.com Editor-in-chief Theresa DiMasi said, “The Rink at Rockefeller Center is one of the most romantic places I can think of for a marriage proposal, and we’re thrilled to be the partner for ‘Engagements on Ice.’”

For $200, the “Engagements on Ice” includes your “signature song” on the loud speaker, a “victory lap” around the ice, a Brides.com gift bag and high chances of “no” to “definitely not.” You think the icy hot on your girlfriend’s elbow is going to improve your chances? I don’t think so. And planning the victory lap before the victory actually occurs could anger the gods. Even if she says yes, it’ll be ‘skating on thin ice’ come the wedding. Speaking of which, what are you going to do then? Hand-glide down to the altar? Don’t think so. Everyone knows hand-gliding is very dangerous.

And is that really how you want to propose? Whatever happened to the standard proposal? The strategic placement of an engagement ring inside a conflagrant jack-o-lantern. Or a special dinner in your home near a fire, if you have a fireplace.

I think an engagement should be a private moment between two young lovers. I don’t think the Brides.com camera crew belongs. And how awkward would it be to skate with just you and your partner on the ice for the duration of your signature song?

When I propose, which I probably will one day, I’m going to leave the ice skates and the jack-o-lanterns at the door. It’s just going to be me, a hopeful young buck, and whatever ring I can afford. I will say, “Please marry me,” and hope for the best.