Dear Guy

world man mustache Dear GuyGuy is a 39-year-old single Manhattan man who has had several successful long-term relationships. Readers may send him their questions at DearGuy@Observer.com.

Dear Guy,

I’m 34 years old and have been dating my boyfriend Jack, a real-estate agent, for two-and-a-half years now. The path of our relationship has been almost ridiculously smooth. From the moment we started e-mailing each other on Nerve, I could feel real sparkle—and from our first tea (I don’t drink coffee) to me moving in (!) last fall, I felt like I could finally relax into a healthy relationship. Jack has always talked about wanting a dog, and about six months ago we finally decided to get one. I wanted something small, to fit on my lap, but instead we got a border collie, which we named Petunia (his name!). The thing is, I always assumed getting a dog was just the first step to the rest of everything else: engagement, wedding, kids, etc. But Jack has become so obsessed with Petunia that I feel like we’re never really alone since we got her. If he’s not walking her, or teaching her Frisbee tricks, or brushing her coat, he’s talking about her. Like, what do I think Petunia did today while he was gone, and doesn’t she kind of look like Selma Blair, and what do I think Petunia is dreaming about when her legs twitch, and etc. I never thought I’d be jealous of a dog, but I have to say that I think I am! Especially when she looks at me with what I swear is a smirk on her sly, doggie face (believe me). So I’m not sure what to do. Do I come clean with Jack about my insecurities? Demand that he make more non-dog time with me? I’m also thinking about getting my own dog.

Sincerely,
Dogified in Dumbo

Dear Dogified,

You’re crazy!

Sincerely,
Guy

Dear Guy,

I recently got out of a six-year relationship. Well, by “got out” I guess I mean “got dumped,” though my mother says I shouldn’t tell people that because it makes me look bad. Whatever! I still am not entirely clear what went wrong with me and Tim. We used to have so much fun together; we used to laugh and laugh and laugh, and the sex was amazing. But during the last two years, things started to change. He got annoyed with me constantly, told me he was beginning to lose attraction to me, complained about my clothes, and started to sleep on the couch in his office instead of coming home. Before he told me about Llewellyn, the girl he’s apparently been sleeping with for the last four years, I was begging him just to sleep next to me, which makes me kind of sick to think about. Anyway, a couple of days ago I went by to pick up the rest of my stuff, and Tim took my hand in his and told me he didn’t regret anything and hoped I didn’t either, and that he was going to spend a week in Sedona, to “clear his head.” I think this was a pretty clear signal he wants me back, I just don’t know if I should follow my instinct and go to Sedona and surprise him.

Sincerely,
Wondering on the West Side

Dear Wondering,

You’re crazy!

Sincerely,
Guy