Wednesday, August 1st

Put on the red light! Welcome to August—as if! Are we the only ones ready to bid adieu to the nonstop frizz; to what passes for “summer fun” in The New Yorker (monkeys in flagrante delicto? Yeccch!); to interminable backyard barbecues; to women in ugly tent dresses; to any sentence involving the word “Jitney;” and most of all, to smashed-starlet-goes-to-jail syndrome? And speaking of the law … The Police have reunited, and we’re ready to be read our rights by still-hot Tantric-sex lover Sting, rangy drummer Stewart Copeland, and grumpy little guitarist Andy Summers, who are celebrating the—brace yourselves—30th anniversary of their hit single “Roxanne.” O.K., so Synchronicity wasn’t quite the same life-changing event for us as Guns ‘n’ Roses’ Appetite For Destruction (whose 20th anniversary was celebrated in recent Rolling Stone cover story), but still! And if that’s not enough to make you feel old: They Might Be Giants, the favorite band of cuddly-but-smug Daily Show host Jon Stewart and every white public-radio geek, is also performing tonight.

[The Police, Madison Square Garden, 8 p.m., 33rd street and Seventh Avenue,; They Might Be Giants, Bowery Ballroom, 8 p.m., 6 Delancey Street,]