DR. SELMAN: Well, she feels this way, so why not just make her happy and do it? Seems like that would solve a lot of issues.
HILLY: We don’t have to get married I mean, how pathetic that we’re having this conversation.
DR. SELMAN: Again.
HILLY: It’s just embarrassing to me—am I that much of a loser?
DR. SELMAN: You’re saying that George’s failure to give you a ring is because you’re a loser?
GEORGE: What? Oh come on, please. You can totally pull off super confident. Last night in the back of the cab you were kind of mocking me—I like that! And what you prefer to do is, let me do whatever I want, and you infantilize me: “Look at the big boy, big boys like to take bubble baths.”
DR. SELMAN: I have a question. How would your life be without Hilly? I don’t see how you could possibly function.
HILLY: Wait, can I say this? I’m sorry to interrupt, but the other day—this is a perfect example—I got home from work and George was at the gym, and it was late, 9 p.m., so I started making dinner. And he walked in, and almost the first thing he said was, “Stop feeding me such big portions and making me fat!” And going on and on and being really angry about it. And I said, “George it’s healthy, it’s vegetables, stir fry.” “Well, stop giving me all this stuff!” So—and I’m not joking—probably eighteen minutes later, he was sitting on the couch and he said “Hilly, is it OK to eat cookies?” In a little boy voice: “Hilly, I’m so hungry.” Finally I said “Don’t do this to me!” and I called him Tubby. Not that I think he’s tubby, and he got so sad and I felt so guilty.
GEORGE: You should call me fat. Fat boy.
HILLY: But you’re not!
GEORGE: I can’t control myself! I like pasta and butter and stuff.
HILLY: Well it’s not fair to put me in that position, because it makes me feel sad.
GEORGE: I want to apologize for that time I wanted you to concentrate on 30 Rock and I said, “Quit sewing like an old lady.”
DR. SELMAN: Well, now I can answer your original question: Where do I think the relationship is going? I think the relationship is going to a place that depends on how long Hilly is willing to hang in there with the status quo. And once she gets fed up with the status quo, I think that things will change. Where they change from there, it’s not clear.
GEORGE: We sure are getting along better, right?
DR. SELMAN: Do you agree with that Hilly?
HILLY: I do. It’s difficult, because you’re obviously not witnessing many things that happen along the way, and I think it’s just our tendency when we come here to focus on the more negative things. Every time we play tennis I feel like our relationship has progressed so rapidly. It’s almost a completely different side of him than I’ve seen—patient and, what’s the word, inspiring. It’s so rare that I feel as good about myself in a situation like that—my nature is normally so competitive, I beat myself up if I’m really bad. But he’s so nice!
DR. SELMAN: Do you beat him in tennis?
HILLY: No, no, I’m horrible! But the thing is, he says, “No, no, you’re good,” and he’s not just b.s.-ing. Yes sure, I’m bad, but he does see good things, and he brings those to my attention. It’s such a nice feeling. There’s a lot of things like that.
GEORGE: What are some other highlights? Remember that thing we did outside in the Hamptons?
HILLY: Stop it. But I just can’t even believe that we were able to function, living like we did on the Upper West Side.
GEORGE: Those trampoline people! We pretty much moved because of them.
HILLY: Anyway, I mean, sure, we talk about the status quo thing, and I’m happy, and I think it’s good that we’re aware of all these things, but I don’t think we should see this as doom or anything. And I think it’s a big step that you even said you had a dream that you proposed to me. And we’ve had this discussion many, many, many, many, many, many times: You’re supposed to propose to me by your birthday. It’s in May. But it doesn’t mean we have to get married. So just make it easier on yourself, just get out of the way, just propose now, and don’t worry. I don’t want to get married anytime soon.
DR. SELMAN: Do you think you could proposed to her in a therapy session?
GEORGE: Oh, that would be good. Maybe on the Circle Line.
HILLY: That’s not really the fantasy I envision, but…
GEORGE: There’s this painting I’ve been studying called The Rake’s Progress by Hogarth and there’s an opera of it by Stravinsky I got at home. It’s about this guy who has this really decadent lifestyle and blows all his money and ends up in Bedlam. I don’t wanna be that guy.
HILLY: This brings up that topic, something I really don’t like the idea of doing, but I keep on coming back to it. We’ve always not been the most social people, when it comes to being social like normal people. Now that we have a bigger place, and all of our friends are a curious about it, I thought, What better time than Halloween—we could have a party and invite everyone to come. Because we live in this former mental institution, and everybody could come as a crazy person.
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