Thursday, September 13th

calendar cronenberg squirt Thursday, September 13thHey Viggo, Vat’s Dat? Canadian director David Cronenberg—who has truly made some cuckoo movies in the past (Naked Lunch, Crash, Spider)—makes an appearance after a screening of Eastern Promises. For those of us who have nursed a crush on Viggo Mortensen since he was the hot, mute, Amish farmer in Witness, this is the movie to savor like roasted nuts over a warm cozy fire. The film also stars lovely Naomi Watts and Vincent Cassel, our new favorite villainous fop. Mr. Cronenberg will take questions from the audience—somebody please ask him what the deal is with all the spurting blood. Okay! At the very tall Union Square Barnes & Noble, fun-to-say Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie will be reading from her book Half of a Yellow Sun (where’s the other half?), based on the civil war in 1960s Nigeria. Expect exactly no stragglers from Fashion Week to attend. Oh, and in case anyone was wondering why the city feels so strangely quiet today, remember it’s Rosh Hashanah, definitely one of the better Jewish holidays, celebrating the Jewish New Year. Expect that goyish guy to start throwing around words like shul and punim and then take the day off. Hey, you don’t see us taking off work for the WASP high holiday of Get Blind Drunk on Gin and Dry-Hump Your Cousin Muffy Until She Laughs at You So Maybe You Strangle Her and Hide the Body in the Boot of the Land Rover, do you?

[David Cronenberg at the Variety/Moving Image, Director’s Guild Theater, 7:30 p.m., www.movingimage.us; Chimamanda Adichie, Barnes and Noble Union Square, 33 East 17th Street, 7 p.m., www.barnesandnoble.com]