In a moment of reflection, Joan Rivers tells of the Jewish ghost that haunts her apartment. [Gatecrasher: 2nd item]

In Hollywood remake of Valerie Plame ordeal, Judith Miller is to be played by Kate Beckinsale and, naturally, Bill Keller is to be played by Angela Bassett. [Page Six]

Will diehard Brooklynite Michelle Williams follow her “cad of an ex” Heath Ledger over the river and through the ‘hoods? [Page Six]

Harvey Weinstein, boyfriend of Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman and owner of Halston, is now one of the “fashion elite.” Phew! [Page Six]

Lindsay Lohan’s new non-celebrity boyfriend has passed muster with her father. [Rush & Malloy: 3rd item]

Ryan Gosling set off alarms at Union Square Urban Outfitters, then joked about stealing a necklace. [Page Six]

Natalie Portman pulled rank-and-smile at hot new L.E.S. eatery Apizz; she was seated immediately…in the lounge. [Page Six]

Saddam Hussein couldn’t get enough baby wipes, says a new book by Ronald Kessley. [Page Six]

Actress Marisa Tomei pulled a Winona Ryder: “I have stolen recently … Band-Aids!” [Rush & Malloy: 2nd item]

In Charles Grodin’s new book, Mario Cuomo wishes he’d told Michael Dukakis to “start kicking the jackass” (a.k.a. George H.W. Bush). [Page Six]

Today’s snuggly weatherman Al Roker was “only mildly offended” by Lisa Lampanelli’s use of the N-word during Pat Cooper’s recent Friars Club roast. [Rush & Malloy: 3rd item]

Gossip Girl’s Ed Westwick, who plays Chuck on the show, says his character “really gets your blood going.” [Page Six]

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