Thursday, Novemeber 1st

Oh, ASPCA, we are your bitches … Our all-time-favorite charity, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, is staging a month-long exhibit and sale with the Manhattan Art and Antiques Center (ooh, goody, mummy!) called “Antiques Helping Animals,” whose proceeds will help all the fuzzy little creatures of Manhattan who are homeless—quite a relief after all the pickled sharks that have been polluting the place of late. Later, the aforementioned Duchess of York joins countryman and celebrity chef Gordon Ramsayand R&B great Aretha Franklin, who has been known to enjoy a nibble or two—to raise cash for the Duchess’ foundation, which helps forgotten children worldwide. In the crowd: adorably aging soul singer Al Green, agelessly smoldering LL Cool J, Smith Jerrod, oops, Jason Lewis, and Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio, not that we care about her! And then, because no Thursday would be complete without the gays throwing a fashion extravaganza: The indefatigable Tim Gunn is hosting “Fashion Forward,” a runway show benefiting Gay Men’s Health Crisis. Expect understated threads and waxed chests from Heatherette (please, no Jenna Jameson this time, she makes our lips hurt!), John Bartlett, Perry Ellis and Peter Som, whose talents currently have society ladies and PETA in a tizzy. Finally, out in Brooklyn’s long-beleaguered Navy Yard, there’s “A Celebration of Classic Hollywood honoring actress Patricia Neal (big-cheese editor just perked up considerably) and some dotty couple named the Count and Countess de Lesseps. Oh, wait—rustle, rustle—here’s a press release! The Count, it informs us, “was born into French aristocracy. His great-great-great-grandfather, Ferdinand de Lesseps, built the Suez Canal and started the Panama Canal, later presenting, for France, the Statue of Liberty to America.” Aw, merci! What this benefits: the Auditory Oral School of New York, which helps deaf children. The fabulously mellow board includes Mrs. Robert Altman, Glenn Close, Linda Hamilton, Bob Balaban, Rosemary Harris, Jerry Stiller & Anne Meara (Ben’s parents!), our own Rex Reed, and Joanne Woodward & Paul Newman, kind of the Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck of the 50-and-over crowd.

[Antiques Helping Animals, Manhattan Art and Antiques Center, 1050 Second Avenue, Nov. 1 to Nov. 30, 212-355-4400; La Dolce Vita Event to benefit the Sarah Ferguson Foundation, Cipriani, 55 Wall Street, 7 p.m.; Fashion Forward, Altman Building, 135 West 18th Street, 7 p.m., 212-367-1557; Hooray for Hollywood, Steiner Film Studios, 15 Washington Avenue, Brooklyn Navy Yard, 212-655-9377]