Stephen Colbert Goes Glam, Writers’ Strike Be Damned

colbertpelosi Stephen Colbert Goes Glam, Writers Strike Be DamnedLast evening, as the writers’ strike got into full swing and late-night talk shows halted production, one comedian found a venue for his work. Stephen Colbert was tapped to introduce House Speaker Nancy Pelosi at Glamour‘s Women of the Year awards, where she received special recognition from the Conde Nast title. So for one night, the only people watching Mr. Colbert were in the packed Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center. Mr. Colbert’s introduction–in which he displays a suspiciously comprehensive knowledge of current women’s fashion–follows.

I’m so honored to be here tonight to honor all these honorable honorees. I’m sorry, my writers are on strike, my stuff is usually better. Since my writers are on strike, I’d like to thank Glamour magazine for giving me someplace to perform tonight. I’m not allowed to write anything for TV, so I’m looking into the legality of mocking the candidates door to door.

And speaking of mocking politicians, many have asked me why someone who has advised members of the House of Representatives not to go on my show, why I would honor Nancy Pelosi at the Glamour awards. Because she made history this year? Because she’s three heartbeats away from the presidency? Because I suddenly like her?

No, I am here tonight because I love Glamour. I love its lifestyle. I love the magazine. I have my own personal do’s and don’ts. Do work a retro up-do, with a little headband. Don’t criticize the president. And I just love fashion. This season, I love high-waisted pants. I adore Oxford pumps—no, ankle booties! And if you have a sweater dress? Make it even better—belt it! If it wasn’t so cold tonight I would have ditched my wing-tips and worn my platform mandals.

That’s why I’m here tonight to introduce Nancy Pelosi, because she is the most glamorous speaker we’ve ever had. I cannot pinpoint exactly what makes her different than previous speakers. All those guys had style. Newt Gingrich worked the aisle in pinstripes and power ties. And long before Jennifer Aniston had the Rachel hairstyle, Speaker O’Neill had the Tip hairstyle. Four-inch eyebrows, matching earbrows. Speaker Dennis Hastert was a plus-size model for Lane Bryant.

But none of these men hold a candle to Speaker Pelosi. Whether she’s prowling the Capitol steps in a cream pantsuit, or strutting the halls of Congress in a blue pantsuit, or grudgingly clapping behind the president at the State of the Union in, say, cream pants and a blue pantsuit blazer—she always has the right accessories. Because nothing completes a look like children’s health-care legislation. And I think we all know that the fashion moment of the year has to be Nancy Pelosi marching the S-CHIP bill up to the White House in her Veto-Me pumps. She is the most fabulous Speaker ever to rock the gavel. And though I may disagree with everything she stands for, I will defend to the death her right to make-it-work [snaps]. So it is my honor to present to you the distinguished representative from California, Madam Speaker, Madam Glam, Nancy Pelosi!

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