Mummy, where did fall go? As predicted, the crisp and sweater-worthy season lasted 2.3 days, and it’s now the damned middle of winter! Time to whip out the oversize wool scarves, furry berets and sub-zero Arctic Explorer coats—not that those things haven’t already been hogging half the seats on the L train for over a month now (hey hipsters: have a sandwich!). The good news? Secretly cuddly (ask Judith Regan!) bald badass Bernard Kerik is back in the news, ruffling Rudy’s feathered frock and reminding us of what New York was like before Mayor Bloomie brought his Swiffer to City Hall. And to make sure the G.O.P. doesn’t corner the corruption market, Hillary Rodham Clinton has been planting friendly questions in Iowa cornfields and fending off the ABC News report on the Blair Papers—records of her work on her husband’s presidential campaigns and her early White House years—are under curious lock and key at the University of Arkansas Library until 2009. Hot diggity, we got ourselves a horse race! If all this makes you want to go back and hide in your high school locker, have a gander at Simon Le Bon’s mysteriously unchanged face, as he and the fellas from Duran Duran—who have been gracing the stage at Broadway’s Barrymore Theatre and arousing their fan base (savage cougars, i.e., their once-nubile fans)—tune up for the National Down Syndrome Society’s Annual Gala & Auction. And hey, where can a person go in this city to get some reprieve from women who’ve slept with Jerry Seinfeld? Certainly not the Shoshanna sample sale, which will feature full-chested women fighting over colorful discounted bras and blessedly supportive swimsuits! Meanwhile the handful of New York gals not wearing spiky platform dog-collar heels hustle their bustles to the National Book Awards at the Marriott Marquis in Times Square. Joan Didion will be in attendance—someone give that woman a medal! (Oh, look: She is getting a medal!) The funniest women not in show business, Fran Lebowitz, hosts, everyone crosses their fingers that Hitchens doesn’t win, and if he does, that he’s loaded enough to say something bonkers. Apparently pissy that he’s not getting a medal, novelist Jonathan Safran Foer hosts a competing literary event at Barnes & Noble, with Howard Jacobson on the subject of Mr. Jacobson’s novel, Kalooki Nights, which is about a man wrestling with his Jewish identity (our money is on Jewish identity to pin him in the first round). Finally, Bergdorf Goodman unveils—whoosh!—its winter windows, inspired by the late Tony Duquette, a fabulously old-school interior and set designer who worked for Doris Duke, Elizabeth Arden and the Duchess of Windsor! Swell—but we’re holding out for Doonan!
[Duran Duran at the National Down Syndrome Society’s Annual Gala & Auction, the Lighthouse at Chelsea Piers, 6:30 p.m., 212-763-4365; Shoshanna Sample Sale, 231 West 39th Street, suite 422; the National Book Awards, Marriott Marquis Times Square, 1535 Broadway, 7:30 p.m., by invitation only; Jonathan Safran Foer and Howard Jacobson at Barnes & Noble Lincoln Center, 1972 Broadway, 7:30 p.m.; Bergdorf Goodman, 754 Fifth Avenue]