Last night on The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert waxed Keith Olbermannian and earnestly refused to mock Robert Novak for his hit-and-run assault on a homeless pedestrian because the syndicated columnist has been diagnosed with a brain tumor.
"Wow," the host said after wishing Mr. Novak well. "I’m pretty impressed with myself right now." Adding, "I am deeply moved by me."
With the time blocked out for a segment about Novak, Mr. Colbert was forced to improvise, leaving him feeling like "I’m up on a high wire with my junk flapping in the breeze." The next three minutes were taken up with fake phone calls praising his restraint and asking Mr. Colbert if he’d do the same for Ted Kennedy ("That is completely different!") and plugging The Colbert Report‘s Special Report, "Silent Night: Stephen Colbert’s Heroic Refusal to Discuss Robert Novak."