Saturday, August 16

Auletta love: It’s the 60th annual Artists and Writers Charity Softball Game in East Hampton! We called pricelessly named organizer Leif Hope, who assured us that “if a person doesn’t play very well or is not particularly coordinated, I wouldn’t put that person at shortstop or second base.” Smart thinkin’! In its early days, “artists” meant Willem de Kooning and Jackson Pollock; now the definition has been stretched to include ad man Donny Deutsch and comic actor Chevy Chase, both recent years’ participants. But don’t think they’re getting any special breaks. “At one o’clock, we have batting practice, and you see right away if someone can play the game or not,” Mr. Hope sternly told Special Fifteen-Day Week Correspondent Louise McCready. “If a celebrity cannot play the game, we have them announce.” (This happened to Inside the Actors Studio’s James “Jimmy” Lipton.) “One of the best softball players was Paul Simon, and Christopher Reeve. D. B. Sweeney”—omigod, from The Cutting Edge!—“and Ed Burns were excellent,” he continued, slipping into “dish” mode. “Certainly Mort Zuckerman. He’s going to pitch again. He’s been pitching for 15 years! … The writers are always crying about something or another.” Ken Auletta is their captain. “Every play is a complaint. ‘That’s not fair’ or ‘That’s not legal.’” Twenty-year softball veteran E. D. Hollander confirmed this. “The writers take it so seriously,” he said. “You have these artists who are good-looking, fun, and creative while the writers tend to be a curmudgeonly group who gets really upset. It’s fun to watch them self-destruct and lose. I’m a landscape architect, so I can go either way, but I always choose the artists.” (Sigh, we do, too, Mr. Hollander, we do, too.) Later, rich gay men don tight white pants and head over to an On the Bay event hosted by the Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY) at the Diamond Ranch, back at Water Mill. We called Honorary Committee member and Queer Eye veteran Carson Kressley. “It’s a great day to be yourself,” he said. “It’s a great day to celebrate diversity. Last year I was coming and, you know, I’m supposed to be the fashion maven, but I lost the invitation, or didn’t see it. I had just flown in from L.A., and I was wearing hot pink and orange. I was like, ‘I didn’t get the memo!’ And everyone was like, ‘What an asshole!’”

[Artists/Writers Softball Game, Herrick Park, East Hampton, 3 p.m.; On the Bay for LIGALY, Diamond Ranch in Water Mill, 2 p.m., 631-655-2300, by invitation only]

mbryan@observer.com

Saturday, August 16