Opening This Weekend: Max Payne, Sex Drive, Bees, and Some Movie About the Prez

markpayne Opening This Weekend: Max Payne, Sex Drive, Bees, and Some Movie About the PrezAfter giving us no less than 15 (!) movies over the last two weeks, Hollywood has decided to take it easy by throwing only four films out to the multiplex crowd this weekend. Thank heavens! This gives us time to take a breath and catch up. Here’s a handy guide to the weekend’s new releases.

Max Payne

What’s the story: Mark Wahlberg (and his dickhead attitude) stars as the titular cop who tries to avenge the death of his family by killing a bunch of people in slow motion. The beautiful Mila Kunis co-stars in a film that looks like a combination of The Matrix sequels, Constantine and a Frank Miller comic. That’s not a good thing. Did we mention Max Payne is an adaptation of a video game?

Who should see it: The Mario Brothers.

The Secret Life of Bees

What’s the story: Little Dakota Fanning is … well, still little. But can you believe she’s already 14? Where has the time gone! A legitimate all-star cast, featuring Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys, Jennifer Hudson and Paul Bettany, joins Ms. Fanning here in the adaptation of Sue Monk Kidd’s acclaimed novel. Our esteemed colleague calls Bees "genuinely moving" but cautions that at times, it slips into "Lifetime territory." Hmm. Color our expectations tepid.

Who should see it: Members of Oprah’s Book Club.

Sex Drive

What’s the story: A high school senior (Josh Zuckerman) drives 500 miles to finally hook up with a girl he met on the Internet. Snore! The first 10 minutes of Sex Drive are online and we can report they’re filled with the kind of things you’d expect from a high-school comedy that doesn’t involve Judd Apatow. There’s semen (or, as it’s called in the film, "jizz"), scantily clad women and enough gay jokes to make Fred Phelps blush. James Marsden and Clark Duke co-star (or should we say slum it).

Who should see it: People who thought American Pie was too cerebral.

W.

What’s the story: A dim-witted ne’er-do-well repeatedly tries and fails to impress his overbearing parents, until one day he becomes … the president of the United States! Seriously, if you need us to tell you what Oliver Stone’s latest movie is about, you should get out more.

Who should see it: Jeb Bush.