Opening this Weekend: Beyonce Sings, The Punisher Sucks and Tricky Dick Fights a Foppish Brit

frostnixon Opening this Weekend: Beyonce Sings, The Punisher Sucks and Tricky Dick Fights a Foppish BritWe’ve had something on our minds since sitting through box-office smash Four Christmases last weekend. How young is too young to see a PG-13? We realize that with its slapstick humor, baby vomit and distinctive lack of swear words, Four Christmases could be considered a "family film". But mixed in with all the holiday cheer are jokes about public sex, pot brownies, cougars and home pregnancy tests. Worse, Mr. Vaughn actually tells his nephews that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. For us, this was all fine (except for the Santa thing, which we’re still recovering from), but for the 8-year-old girl sitting next to us in the theater it clearly wasn’t. We have a feeling her mother has a lot of explaining to do. The three new releases this weekend are all decidedly adult affairs, so do us a favor: leave your kids home! Here’s a handy guide for what to expect at the multiplex.

Cadillac Records

What’s the story: Adrien Brody sighting! The Oscar-winner stars as Leonard Chess, founder of Chess Records, which was home to many great R&B artists during the 50s and 60s, including Howlin’ Wolf (Eamonn Walker), Chuck Berry (Mos Def), Muddy Waters (Jeffrey Wright) and Etta James (Beyonce). The trailer is very earnest but, honestly, we can’t take the musical bio-film genre seriously ever since we saw Walk Hard on cable a couple of months back. Still, the reviews have been pretty solid, especially singling out the forever under-rated Mr. Wright as the one to watch. Mostly, we’re just excited to see Talk Radio‘s Eric Bogosian back behind the mic. In Cadillac Records he plays disc jockey Alan Freed.

Who should see it: GM CEO Rick Wagoner.

Punisher: War Zone

What’s the story: Because you didn’t ask for it, here comes a sequel to The Punisher! Neither Thomas Jane nor John Travolta return for this go-around; instead, the cast is filled with a cavalcade of C-list talent including Rome‘s Ray Stevenson as the titular hero. About the only thing of interest in War Zone is director Lexi Alexander. A female action director? We’ve been waiting for an heir to the throne of Kathryn Bigelow since Strange Days.

Who should see it: People who can’t wait until the January DVD release of Max Payne.

Frost/Nixon

What’s the story: If it’s a weekend in December, you can bet your bottom dollar that an Oscar contender is getting released. This week brings us Frost/Nixon, the highly pedigreed new film from director Ron Howard and screenwriter Peter Morgan (adapting his own play). Frank Langella jumps from stage to screen as Richard Nixon, while Mr. Morgan’s go-to-muse, Michael Sheen, portrays interviewer David Frost. Other cast members include O2 favorite Sam Rockwell and Kevin Bacon, adding a few more degrees of separation to his ample resume. The reviews have been uniformly gushing and we can’t wait to see this film. Expect Frost/Nixon to figure prominently at the Oscars in February.

Who should see it: George W. Bush.