Oh Ciccone! Chance Collision With Madonna's Not-So-Buff Bro

This article was published in the July 28, 2008, edition of The New York Observer.

Oh Ciccone! Chance Collision With Madonna's Not-So-Buff Bro

To its surprise, the Transom ran into designer Christopher Ciccone—SMACK!—outside the Rouge Wine Bar at Paris Commune in the West Village. Madonna’s short, paunchy but sensual brother had flown in from London early that evening and was flying to Los Angeles the following morning—part of the whirlwind press tour surrounding his book, Life With My Sister Madonna (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, $26).

Wearing jeans, black sneakers, a tight black T-shirt and a veil of cinnamon-inflected cologne, he was there to see aspiring Broadway star (and dear friend) Ryan Raftery’s one-man show, Ryan Raftery and Friends: A Solo Act.

“There are plenty of things I left out of the book, and things that the lawyers and editors took out,” Mr. Ciccone said. The thing he said he’d fought hardest for was the title. “I wanted it to be called The Queen and I,” he said. “They said it was too snarky. I still don’t know what that word means.”

In the book, Mr. Ciccone describes an incident at a nightclub in which he breaks up a fight between one of Mr. Ciccone’s gay pals, who had been sexy-dancing with the Queen, and a frothing Guy Ritchie, her Madgesty’s husband.

“I’m not a violent person,” he said. “And I don’t really care about Guy. I see him as a current distraction.”

Mr. Ciccone, who for years designed the look of Madonna’s concerts and mansion palaces, now lives in Los Angeles, where he’s currently at work on a “totally raw, design-based reality show.”

He said that his sister had responded to news that he was at work on a book with a frantic e-mail that read, “Call me.”

Did he?

Hello? I don’t respond to commands anymore,” he said. She then apparently called their father, who, Mr. Ciccone said, also has long since stopped taking orders from the Queen. “I will admit to a guilty pleasure in watching her squirm,” he added. (Madonna’s rep didn’t return calls by presstime.)

Was writing the book like removing a giant weight from his shoulders?

“No, it was like a giant fucking orgasm,” he said, exhaling a large gust of smoke. “Therapy I already had; this was pure sex.”

Besides the book and the reality show, Mr. Ciccone has written a feature film that he hopes to direct. He also has a singer named Julien he’s been managing, and some ideas for a Broadway show, which may or may not include Mr. Raftery.

Of his friend’s show, he said, “I think it’s good; he needs direction.” Like he’d done so many times for his sister, he planned to bestow some words of advice on this young performer. He said that years ago he’d taught Mr. Raftery to dance. “All great talent needs managing.”

Mr. Ciccone said he also has plans for a follow-up book about the “sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll” period of his own life, which occurred between 1994 and 2004, documented with dirty Polaroids.

What’s the best picture? “I can’t tell you that!” he said.

He agreed to describe the fifth-best Polaroid, which depicts him in a squatting position, wearing 8-inch blue and white striped platforms and no pants. “All you can see is my ass,” he said, “and the platforms, and the tattoo wrapping around my leg.” Yep, he’s her brother!

smorgan@observer.com

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Comments
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Emily Saunders (not verified) says:

I met Christopher that same evening. I must say your physical description is utmost appalling. I would never have spotted Christopher if I had to do so by the guidance of your pauciloquent description. I did notice a man that was quite, as you say, short and paunchy, but that was the owner of the establishment I beleive.

winegal (not verified) says:

All I know is that Ryan Raftery is fantastic! Where else can we see him?

Steve Goss (not verified) says:

Thanks for relating that last visual of this smarmy creature bottomless (and tasteless)in platforms. We have another Christina Crawford on our hands, flourishing on his sibling rivarlry/hatred. I imagine along with a reality show he will have his own line of clothing and subsequent perfume, God bless him--he should be very proud! No longer a fan of his sister (kinda just who cares stage), but this has me feeling rather sorry for her--almost.

Mataya (not verified) says:

The book is excellent, I would love to meet Christopher. I don't feel bad for Madonna one bit, although I am a huge fan. In my opinion, the book isn't particularly offensive to her in any way. It's simply Christopher telling his story and getting some things off of his chest as he's said while promoting the book. Good for him!

Anonymous (not verified) says:

CHRISTOPHER IS A FAT BITTER OLD QUEEN WHO OBVIOUSLY DIDNT GET THE LOOKS OF HIS SISTER> HE IS SOOO JELOUS > GROSS!! HE DOES TONS OF DRUGS STEALS MONEY FROM ANYONE HE CAN> HE HAS THE WORST BREATH> HE IS AN OVEREATER> AND IS A BIG OUT OF SHAPE BOTTOM WHO DOES BAREBACK> ASK ANYONE WHO KNOWS HIM> ITS TRUE>

WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT TO TREAT UR SISTER LIKE THAT> YOU'LL HAVE MORE BAD CARMA THE REST OF UR LIFE> LIKE U CAN LOOK ANY WORSE> HOW DARE U GO OUT IN PUBLIC LOOKING SO AWFUL. U NEEDED THE LIFT MORE THAN SIS!!

Jakester89 (not verified) says:

Two of my friends tried to see Ryan Raftery's show two weeks ago but there wasn't even a place to STAND, much less sit down. We stood outside near the stairs and listened to him sing. He is amazing and the show seems so funny. We called the restaurant and the next show is on August 4th at 9pm! I wonder if Christopher will be back?

Anonymous (not verified) says:

Raftery's next show is on August 4th at 9pm. I called the restaurant and found out.

Anonymous (not verified) says:

Poor Madge, all that money, all that misery, it just makes a bloke want to break down and cry. It's just too sad she has to have family, too.

the fairy princess (not verified) says:

he's a bitter and childish queen. he wants things to stay the same as it ever was, and she's got a family and kids now. he ain't got nothin' goin on 'cept her.

everybody knows she's a workaholic. his idea of working was spending her money and being grand. she proabably wanted him to get his own things going on and he just wouldn't or couldn't.
he's a barnacle.

Anonymous (not verified) says:

I couldn't believe how many times I thought about the absurdity of Christopher accusing everyone of being a sycophant while he so ineloquently excused himself for never speaking his mind. It's as if he expected Madonna to read his thoughts most of his life. He has clearly never had a backbone, never been able to be self-sufficient, completely depended upon Madonna for everything in absolute self-entitlement. Basically, he admits to all of this in some back-handed accusation aimed at his sister. The book is clearly half indictment, half absolution-seeking. It's as if he is hoping Madonna will read it. It is one of the saddest, most transparent and uninspired pieces of writing ever published! His constant attempts to convince himself that he is more important than his sister in shaping her career, her friendships, her homes and her shows are simply nauseating. He is truly awful

Anonymous (not verified) says:

It's Madonna. I honestly don't think she cares. More importantly, it's free press for her, even if it's negative.

Siouxie921 (not verified) says:

K-A-R-M-A.

Anonymous (not verified) says:

If you're going to describe Christopher Ciccone as the "not-so-buff" brother please include his photo so we can be the judge.

Ry-Fan (not verified) says:

Ryan is the second coming! Watch out Madonna! Watch out Liza! Watch out Idina!

He'll cut you.

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