Esquire: CNBC ‘Fiercely Protective’ of Jim Cramer; Execs Speak of Host Like ‘A Bear Cub or Baby Seal’

Ever wonder what Mad Money and‘s Jim Cramer was like as a kid? Sure you do!

According to Esquire‘s Scott Raab—whom you may recall controversially reported on the zombie scourge in Newark last year—Mr. Cramer was not unlike young Chas Tenenbaum from Wes Anderson’s 2001 movie The Royal Tenenbaums.

In Jim Cramer: Just as Scared as the Rest of Us, Mr. Raab writes:

Jim Cramer was nine years old when he found God lurking in the stock tables in the Philadelphia Evening Bulletin, and he has talked in tongues ever since…

As a lad, he kept a ledger book of stocks; now, at the age of fifty-three, he worships on his laptop. Constantly.

(Yes, but did he breed Dalmation Mice?)

Much of Mr. Raab’s story is taken up with the challenge of trying to actually gain access to Mr. Cramer in order to write the story. The writer offers this anecdote about trying to set up his interview with someone he describes as “a man of exquisite sensitivity, not to say paranoia”:

Oddly, though, folks close to Cramer at CNBC seem wary, worried. His executive producer and the public-relations VP both tell me, ‘I’m fiercely protective of Jim’— word for word — as if they speak of a bear cub or baby seal, not the fearless wampum warrior who, in the network’s own ad, ranks with Orwell as a truth-teller. The guy’s famous and wealthy, riding high: How much protection does he need?

Don’t worry, I assure the executive producer. I’m a huge Cramer fan. Gospel truth. I swear.

She flinches visibly, as though I’d just pulled out a pistol.

‘Please don’t say that,’ she says. ‘Every writer says that. And then they go ahead and rip him to shreds.’