Bah, Love Bug!

The Movie That Made Me Never Want To Date Again

BY SARA VILKOMERSON

I was really looking forward to seeing He’s Just Not That Into You. Don’t judge! Admit it—you were, too. It’s been a cold, dark and depressing winter (and I’m not just talking about the weather), so is it any wonder that the ubiquitous and sunny trailer for the film—chock full of beautiful people like Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Ginnifer Goodwin, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Connelly, Drew Barrymore, Kevin Connolly and Bradley Cooper, bumbling around in matters of the heart—might be appealing? In fact, the aforementioned trailer includes the opening scene of the film, a quick vignette that won me over instantly. Here’s how it goes:

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Who Needs Valentine’s Day? Not Me, My Jonny, or the Toledos

BY SIMON DOONAN

A pal of mine and her fiancé recently went to shop for engagement rings at a prominent Fifth Avenue jeweler. After thoughtfully examining her hand, the sales associate told her there was a problem with her fingers. Apparently, she has what is know as “pudgy undercarriages,” and would require a larger-than-average fitting. My pal, who is tall and athletic and had never thought twice about the relative size of those squishy pads on the undersides of her otherwise lovely fingers, let out a small shriek. This is a bit like embarking on the romantic trip-of-a-lifetime only to be handed a seat-belt extender before the plane has even taken off. Pudgy undercarriages, indeed! I guess it’s true what they say: The course of true love never runs smooth.

Which brings us to Valentine’s Day.

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Bah, Love Bug!