Single Person’s Movie: Transformers

shia 3 Single Persons Movie: TransformersIt’s 2 AM and you awake with a jerk, alone in your fully-lit apartment and still on the couch. On TV, the credits of some movie you’ve already seen a billion times are scrolling by. It feels like rock bottom. And we know, because we’re just like you: single.

Need a movie to keep you company until you literally can’t keep your eyes open? Join us tonight when we pass out to Transformers [starting @ 10 p.m. on Action Max]

Why we’ll try to stay up and watch it: Bring up Michael Bay in a room full of people and you’re sure to get reactions ranging from anger to outright indignation.

It’s 2 AM and you awake with a jerk, alone in your fully-lit apartment and still on the couch. On TV, the credits of some movie you’ve already seen a billion times are scrolling by. It feels like rock bottom. And we know, because we’re just like you: single.

Need a movie to keep you company until you literally can’t keep your eyes open? Join us tonight when we pass out to Transformers [starting @ 10 p.m. on Action Max]

Why we’ll try to stay up and watch it: Bring up Michael Bay in a room full of people and you’re sure to get reactions ranging from anger to outright indignation. This is a phenomenon we’ve never understood. When you get right down to it, the man is responsible for some of the best action movies to come out in the last fifteen years: Bad Boys, The Rock, Armageddon, Bad Boys 2 (don’t sleep on that one; it is so over-the-top that Will Smith and Martin Lawrence invade Cuba during the last act) and, most recently, Transformers. The latter film seems to be the straw that broke the camels back for most people–an overloaded, colorful confection of limited sensibility that, at times, drifts into pure idiocy. But lest anyone who trashes on Transformers forget, this is a movie based on a toy. Did you expect anything less? If you’re looking for quiet realism, maybe you should Netflix a Terrence Malick film instead of watching a movie where cars turn into gigantic talking robots.

So why do we love this pure and unadulterated crap? Well what Transformers lacks in intelligence, it more than makes up for in entertainment value. Lots of that has to do with the very game cast, headed by scourge of the fanboy universe, Shia LaBeouf. In Transformers, Mr. LaBeouf is hilariously manic–he’s so high strung he makes a hummingbird look muted–but more importantly, he’s committed. It doesn’t matter if he’s talking to a green screen or Megan Fox (one more inanimate than the other), you can tell Mr. LaBeouf is trying his hardest to make audiences believe. The rest of the cast is equally impressive, but specific note must be given to Mr. LaBeouf’s on-screen parents, Kevin Dunn and Julie White. They are alternatively hilarious and more hilarious throughout. The familial scenes the three actors share together are gems of comedic miscommunication worthy of an I Love Lucy episode.

When we’ll probably fall asleep: Amidst all its cheesy fun and righteous action, the script for Transformers is a nerd’s wet dream. J.J. Abrams disciples Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman (the duo behind the always improving Fringe) pack loads of dime store mythology into the proceedings. So it’s a treat when we are given big explanatory sequences involving a secret government agency known as Sector 7, the Hoover Dam, an arctic exhibition and the evil robot leader of the Decepticons, known as Megatron. Ninety-five minutes in, at 11:35 p.m., we’ll be told that nearly every modern invention was reverse engineered from Megatron, while Jon Voight (showing up as the Secretary of Defense) drolly wonders why no one told him that the government was “keeping a hostile alien robot frozen in the basement.” How he can manage to say that line with a straight face is one of the many joyous mysteries Transformers has to offer.