Brittle 30-something Caucasian women swoon as LL Cool J—’90s rapper who penned the definitive soundtrack to suburban middle-school dances’ awkward mating rituals (bonus dirty excerpt: It’s our first time together and I’m feeling kinda horny; conventional methods of makin’ love kinda bore me!) hits the Nokia Theatre to perform music from his 13th album (while the crowd waits impatiently to hear Doin’ It). Incidentally, Mr. Cool J has evolved from hip-hop artist to clothing designer for Sears (which still exists! Good for it!), where his wares are currently 50 percent off. … Later, as the economy lays waste to charities left and right, one organization, Afikim—which raises money to send at-risk Israeli children to after-school centers—boldly throws a “rock concert” launch party in Tribeca with vegetarian eats and raffles off a guitar signed by … Steven Tyler!