The Eight-Day Week: March 25 — April 1

Wednesday, March 25

Sheesh, the weather gods are as hormonal as we are these days! One day we’re half-naked at a Williamsburg sidewalk cafe pretending we’re in Paris, like our real estate editor, whom we like to call “Cassandra” … the next we’re huddled on our couch in a ski parka before the TV (alas, we fell asleep before our dapper prez’s appearance on Leno …). Well, since the socialites aren’t quite in spring-fling mode yet, here’s a sober gala benefit preview for the AIPAD Photography Show, featuring the wealthy benefactors of the photo world, including financiers David Dechman and Richard Salomon and Clarissa Alcock Bronfman, wife of Warner Music chief Edgar Jr.—and more importantly, grandmother of rapper M.I.A.’s new baby, a.k.a. Ikhyd (no comment). And most importantly, “glam”-ma still can rock a Herve Leger bandage dress! Say cheese!

[Gala Benefit Preview for the AIPAD Photography Show, Park Avenue Armory, Park Avenue and 67th Street, 5 p.m., 212-708-9680]

 

Thursday, March 26

“Are you tired of faking it when friends ask you about the stimulus package or the housing market?” wondered Beth Kobliner, a less scary version of Suze Orman who’s been on Oprah and written for Glamour. We don’t fake it, honey, we just change the subject back to Madoff’s obvious Botox! Anyway, Ms. Kobliner wrote a book in the 1990s called Get a Financial Life: Personal Finance in Your Twenties and Thirties that is now all of a sudden frighteningly relevant again! Tonight, she wields her spreadsheets at the Strand, haunt of sideburned, melancholy n+1 fellas and the winsome damsels who Tumblr into their beds! “There’s been so much attention focused on people in their 50s and 60s who’ve lost money and pensions, and home values declining, but for people in New York there’s a sense of, ‘I have tens of thousands of dollars in debt, I can’t even dream about saving a 401(k) or investing in a home, let alone losing it!’” said Ms. Kobliner darkly. “There’s a lot of anxiety. People who are waiters-slash-actors are seeing people who worked at Wall Street companies now applying for waitering jobs at their restaurants!” (Anything to help medicate that Waygu beef withdrawal!) Meanwhile, in news of people unaffected by prosaic concepts like “recession,” it’s the Museum of Natural History’s shmancy annual Dance, chaired by socialites Fabiola Beracasa and Claire Bernard; culinary entrepreneur Katie Lee Joel (who should not read Observer alum Ron Rosenbaum’s scathing and brilliant takedown of her husband’s music in Slate); lusty model–actress–former fashion designer and mom Milla Jovovich; and maybe-still-married Tinsley Mortimer. On the “Dancing Chair” committee: omnipresent Derek Blasberg and sex-fiendish Box owner Simon Hammerstein. Other pulchritudinous gals donning borrowed “festive black tie,” whatever that means: Byrdie Bell, Hope Atherton, Dabney Mercer, Amanda Hearst and Maggie Betts; famous daughters Barbara Bush, Julia Restoin Roitfeld and Stella Schnabel; socialite pet Moby; and hockey player–cum–fashionista Sean Avery. Crash strategy: Pocahontas squaw fringe!

[Beth Kobliner at the Strand, 828 Broadway, 7 p.m., 212-473-1452; Museum of Natural History’s Annual Museum Dance, Central Park West at 79th Street, 7:30 p.m., 212-496-3495]

Friday, March 27

Don’t hate the Scandinavians because they’re blond, blue-eyed socialist giants living in modern hipster utopias like Stockholm and Copenhagen; hate them because they’re sending Their Royal Highnesses Crown Prince Frederik and Crown Princess Mary of Denmark to the stuffy Pierre to raise money for “programs of educational and cultural exchange” with our sloppy, fat, uninsured Republic! (Gossip: Prince Frederik took a year at Harvard, where, a lady alum tells us, he did quite a bit of cultural exchange. Velkommen!)  Anyway: Expect Norwegian actress and director Liv Ullmann, former Danish ambassador William McCormick Blair Jr. and plenty of laid-off bankers looking for an open-faced sandwich. …

[American-Scandinavian Foundation’s Annual Gala, the Pierre Hotel, Fifth Avenue at 61st Street, 7 p.m., 212-879-9779]

 

Saturday, March 28

Hit the Suze button: Aforementioned financial guru Suze Orman is honored by the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) at its annual Media Awards. (You’d think the gays could pick somewhere slightly more chic than the Marriott Marquis Times Square, but apparently no sexual orientation is immune to recession belt-tightening!) “Suze has been tremendous in living openly, talking to her millions of followers about her own relationship and using her position in the public to talk about being concerned for all Americans,” said Neil Giuliano, GLAAD’s president. He added that they’ll also be honoring Tyra Banks (“She’s been so great about including the lives of gay and transgendered people both in America’s Next Top Model and in her own show”); Tyson Beckford (“always gets a lot of attention”); and members of the Ugly Betty cast. “We even have Vanessa Williams, which is very exciting. …” Mr. Giuliano also let slip that he used to be the mayor of Tempe, Ariz., which we imagine involves a lot of crazy hashish, but noooo. “I sat next to Rudy for eight years at the U.S. Conference of Mayors’ meetings, because they seat you alphabetically,” he said.

[GLAAD Media Awards, Marriott Marquis, 1535 Broadway, 5:30 p.m., 877-519-7904]

The Eight-Day Week: March 25 — April 1