The Upper East Side as Hip: Neighborhoods of burgeoning trendiness inspire tomfoolery aplenty. But when the neighborhood in question is one whose desirability is long established, the lies become a little more transparent.
A $1,395 studio “in the heart of the Upper East Side”: The generous reader can only assume that 1366 York 3C, dangerously close to the East River, is the neighborhood’s heart in some non-geographic sense. Or that an honest mistake has been made, as in the case of an “Upper East Side” apartment at West 72nd and Riverside Drive.
But another significant issue is misunderstanding why someone would want to live on the Upper East Side in the first place. This problem plagues a landlord offering $595 to $795 for rooms in shared apartments on York Avenue. “Students, young adults and young professionals hang out in hip and trendy bars, clubs and restaurants that are the hallmark of this area,” we learn. “Numerous Bars and Nightclubs are within walking distance in this Hip part of town.”
Following the ad’s suggestion to “Google ‘attractions in zip code 10021’” and discover “hundreds of venues, too numerous to list” yields such gems as the Czech National Tourist Office and Big Onion Walking Tours.
Trying to sell the hipness of cramped quarters on the Upper East Side: at first it looks like some sort of complicated reverse gentrification. But when the ad also cites the proximity of “World famous Sotheby’s auction house,” one begins to suspect it’s just ineptitude.
The $100 Apartment: Bargain hunting? Perhaps you would be interested in a “$100 COZY STUDIO IN LOVELY TOWNHOUSE ON BEST BLOCK IN TOWN.” But—the fine print: “Available for a $100 per night for a minuim [sic] of a one month stay.”
This sounds suspiciously like a $3,100 studio. Although February, hypothetically, could be yours for a mere $2,800.
Fine Fellas in FiDi: And finally, a lady-lech counterpoint to last week’s sex for security deposit confusion: $2,300 for a two-bedroom in “the best neighborhood for snagging a seriously great guy.” What neighborhood could that be?
Parentheses retained to suggest that these are humbling times for the seriously great guys of Wall Street.