Opening this Weekend: Scary Orphans, Talking Guinea Pigs, and Katherine Heigl’s Vibrating Unmentionables!

orphan02 Opening this Weekend: Scary Orphans, Talking Guinea Pigs, and Katherine Heigls Vibrating Unmentionables!

With a whopping six movies hitting theaters today, the fourth weekend of July feels like an ad for the local general store: In the mood for horror, romance, or even talking guinea pigs? Then have we got a movie for you! As we do every Friday, here’s a handy guide to the new releases.

G-Force

What’s the story: The cast of G-Force is wildly impressive—including Zack Galifianakis, Will Arnett, Bill Nighy and the voices of Nicolas Cage, Jon Favreau, Penelope Cruz and Tracy Morgan—but all you need to know about this live action/animation hybrid comes from the tag line on the movie poster: “Gadgets. Gizmos. Guinea Pigs. In 3-D.” And they say there’s no truth in advertising!

Who should see it: The dogs from Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

The Ugly Truth

What’s the story: Stop us if you’ve heard this one before: Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler star as a pair of mismatched mates (a television news producer and her boorish host, respectively) who meet-hate and gradually come to realize that they’re made for each other. Along the way, expect to see Ms. Heigl scowl, frown and wear a pair of vibrating underwear to a fancy restaurant. Yep, it’s that kind of movie. The reviews for The Ugly Truth are pitched just above scathing, but, sadly, we actually think this thing looks moderately entertaining. Talk about an ugly truth! It must be that Flo Rida music cue in the trailer.

Who should see it: Denny Duquette.

Orphan

What’s the story: Go ahead and file Orphan under the list of movies we’ll never see. Everything about this film, from the poster to that ubiquitous trailer, has made us want to burst into tears. (It’s just too scary!) For braver souls than us: Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard play parents who adopt a little girl from an orphanage, only to have buyers remorse once she starts killing people and haunting their dreams. Think The Good Son, but with a daughter.

Who should see it: Macaulay Culkin.

And! For some indie-fun, check out: In the Loop (with James Gandolfini), Shrink (staring Kevin Spacey) or The Answer Man (with Jeff Daniels and Lauren Graham).