Ah, the second weekend in September: A time for crappy horror movies and, apparently, Tyler Perry (though, truth be told, those two things might not be mutually exclusive). Four movies hit theaters today, and if you don’t like genre stuff, you’re out of luck! As we do every Friday, here’s a handy guide to the new releases.
Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself
What’s the story: For the second straight year, Tyler Perry is releasing a movie on this very weekend. Last September, it was The Family That Preys, about two disparate families coming together; this weekend, I Can Do Bad All By Myself centers on a nightclub singer (the always-riveting Taraji P. Henson) taking in her ne’er-do-well niece and nephews. Something tells us things will work out in the end. Since this particular Mr. Perry affair features his alter ego Madea, you can also expect some major box office.
Who should see it: Oprah Winfrey.
What’s the story: “Visionary director” Shane Acker expands on his Oscar-nominated short film, 9, with the post-apocalyptic animated spectacle of the same name. We haven’t seen the original short (it’s available on YouTube), but if the reviews are any indication, we can save our money and just watch that in lieu of the extended feature-length version. Sounds good to us.
Who should see it: Zack Snyder.
What’s the story: Who knew this wasn’t a horror movie? Not us! Whiteout is actually a whodunit, set in the cold recesses of Antarctica just before the sun disappears for the winter. Kate Beckinsale stars, presumably hoping this bad movie makes everyone forget all of her other bad movies.
Who should see it: Sir Ernest Shackleton.
What’s the story: Now this is a horror movie. Based on the 1983 film The House on Sorority Row, this update finds a bunch of scantily clad sorority sisters getting offed one by one by a masked killer. You won’t recognize anyone in the cast beyond Rumor Willis (we’re guessing she gets killed) and Matt Lanter from the new 90210 (we’re guessing he’s the killer), but that won’t matter; if you’re predisposed to this kind of movie, you’ll probably enjoy it.
Who should see it: Members of Delta Delta Delta.