God DOES Work in Mysterious Ways

Maybe in order to get some good press, or to remind Jews in New Jersey to light the menorah in their homes, the Lord Our God caused a giant Chanukah menorah to topple into a traffic signal in Monroe.

Although, he prefers to be called by his Hebrew name of “יהוה”, he says it is “unpronounceable”.

“Just call me God or Lord or Allah. Whatever. I hear you all. Just try not to take the name in vain. It’s important to me. Not as important as Commandments 1 or 2, but it’s in the top five.”

This was state’s largest Chanukah menorah and was supposed to be lit Friday for the first night of the holiday. It was damaged after it fell over and hit a traffic signal on Wednesday in Monroe Township, police said.

“I was in the state watching My People debate on ‘Marriage Equality’, laughing My Head off that this is even and issue for My People, when I thought that’s just too big a menorah. For Me Sake, it’s a giant aluminum menorah. Stands 32-feet tall and 21-feet wide. What is this —the Tower of Babel? Menorahs are a personal family matter, and don’t need such height, width, and length.”

Rabbi Eliezer Zaklikovsky of the Chabad Jewish Center said he did not suspect foul play, and was alerted to the incident this morning.

“I would have liked it to be up for the first night of Chanukah,” said Zaklikovsky.

“And by the way, if gays and lesbians want to get married, Who am I to stop them? Stop using My Name—in vain, by the way—Duh!— to stop these folks from enjoying their own Me-Given civil liberties. I have many more important things to do. And so do you. Right now I am working on a few more Commandments to clear up a couple of things You Folks still don’t have Right. Should be ready in a Millennium or So. For now, Laugh more. Hug more. And stop taking Yourselves so seriously. That’s My Job.

And now, it’s the holidays. Be a Mensch. Go do something nice for someone.”

 

God DOES Work in Mysterious Ways