Jennifer Love Hewitt has a new book out! But The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name Is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m a Love-aholic isn’t actually all that book-y. In fact, it’s more like an IM chat with your BFF. Here, a few of our favorite pearls, on a variety of weighty topics:
On romantic semantics:
When they say “I,” help them say “we.” If you and your guy are with other people and he says, “I ate at the best restaurant last night,” just simply follow it up with, “Yeah, we had the best food!” It will eventually change his thinking.
On contemporary notions of femininity:
QUESTION: Why can’t we be strong, self-assured, tough, sometimes even scrappy, and still be treated like a girl? Or…why don’t we choose the men who will let us be like that? Which brought me to my big question: WHAT DO WE WANT? THE BALLS, THE DRESS, OR THE DRESS THAT HIDES OUR BALLS?
And then somewhere between the late show and the early show, it hit me. The lightbulb I had been waiting for, THE BEST IDEA I’VE EVER HAD. I need a spray tan!!!!!!!!!!!
On nonprocreative intercourse:
And one more thing: it doesn’t always have to be so serious; it’s okay to just have great sex. But remember, your body is a temple, not a 7-Eleven; you decide when it’s open and who gets to come in. And guys, sexual relationships can be stormy, so wear a raincoat.
The word diet, by the way, stands for “I Died because I couldn’t Eat It!”
On modern modes of communication:
Hey mister—text me all you want, but after three days I need a phone call and some face-to-face lovin’ to ensure what you really want is me and not a cyber-Sally, hassle-free, texting girlfriend.
It’s no secret—guys hate to spoon. They prefer to fork, lol! … So here’s the trick: play it cool until he falls asleep and then Velcro yourself to him, quickly and with very little motion (think Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible). And then, if and when he wakes, turn quickly, like you were just stretching, and wait. When the little lamb sleeps again One…Two…Three…Velcro!!!!!!!!!!!!
From Jamie Kennedy’s guest chapter:
I’m here to tell you, as a man, a guy, or whatever you want to call me, what we REALLY like. We like your BUTT, and we like it BIG.
And, of course, on vagazzling:
She wanted to put Swarovski crystals on my hoo-ha. The lack of traffic on my hoo-ha highway at that moment and my fear of lying sober and naked while a woman puts crystals on my little lady made me hesitate. Then I wondered why.
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