Poor Arianna. Hot-headed musician John Mayer has taken to Tumblr to blast her much-maligned Huffington Post. The singer is mad because the celebrity-gossip arm of the site published a story headlined “Are John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston BACK TOGETHER?” They quote John as saying to a crowd on Sunday, “I believe in second chances!” and go on to speculate that, DUH, it’s about Jennifer. We can’t find any evidence of Mayer saying that, but we do have video evidence of something he did say: “If I try to chase around one more empty husk of a woman, I’m just gonna shoot myself.” Isn’t that better evidence that John has been pursuing Jennifer? Zing.
Anyway, various versions of the HuffPo story have popped on less rigorously sourced sites. In a jeremiad that bemoans the state of web journalism, he tosses some awesomely barbed metaphors at the HuffPo, calling it:
- “the internet Death Star”
- “an insolvent law student willing to dance for a few extra dollars”
- “a stripper wearing reading glasses”
It’s a political site that pays its writers poorly/nothing, yet hawks Chevy Malibus in banner ads, and then it goes and publishes unbylined, unsourced celebrity gossip! He is extremely on point here. He concludes with a headline of his own: “JOHN MAYER SLAMS HUFFPO: “GO F**K YOURSELF!” The Huffington Post acknowledged his rant with an update noting that he did not deny whether he and Jennifer were getting back together… Sounds like they want to piss him off some more.
We’re hoping that, instead of another impassioned rant saying that the Huffington Post is an avaricious hypocrite, though, John Mayer responds with a simple diss track. The refrain could go, “The Huffington Post is full of s**t / I wonder if they’ll invite Jen to guest edit.” Two birds, one stone.