The world now knows that Christine O’Donnell doesn’t wax. Or at least she didn’t three years ago.
A man who claims to have spent the night with U.S. Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell has given Gawker a detailed account of the Halloween sexual encounter. O’Donnell was wearing a ladybug costume, and the dude claims she drunkenly seduced him into letting her spend the night at his place. In a rare move for one of its high-profile exclusive pieces, Gawker published it under an anonymous byline.
The account reads like a college junior relaying a trumped-up tale of near-conquest in the bedroom over his fraternity email listserv — the narrative is written with that kind of forced confidence that mostly comes off as pathetic.
If the subject were anyone apart from the political punching bag of the moment (Gawker’s favorite tag for her is “masturbating witch-hobbit”) the story would have stayed in the annals of one adolescent male’s memory, indistinct from other sexual activity he may have participated in. Instead, the encounter at hand happened to be with Christine O’Donnell, giving him the power to let hundreds of thousands — and possibly, in the next few days, millions? — of readers in on his otherwise unimportant story.
The guy insists that “It really didn’t take very long for Christine to make her move.” Charming. Naturally, he wasn’t surprised when O’Donnell face-raped him as soon as they got to the bar. He drops the obligatory admission that she’s a “cougar” and tells us she’s “aggressive,” in case we had missed the insinuation. “She’d set her sights on me from the beginning,” he boasted after explaining that they had met the previous summer. He claims that she wanted a “good-looking young man” to accompany her to political events, as if that’s what she believed would further her career.
“I won’t get into the nitty gritty details of what happened between the sheets,” the anonymous Philadelphian said. If only! He scoffs at her virginal claims until she backs up and explains she’s a “born-again virgin.” And then comes the climactic, if you will, detail of the post: “When her underwear came off, I immediately noticed that the waxing trend had completely passed her by.”
To our narrator, this is a sign of sexual inexperience — a “big turnoff” — so he declines any other sexual advances and goes to bed. He didn’t give her a kiss goodbye in the morning, but of course she was still super into him, anyway: “she didn’t take a hint and emailed or called a few more times over the next couple of weeks before I was forced to make it clear to her that I wasn’t interested.”
But while this exposé of O’Donnell’s grooming habits might seem like a disaster for her already shaky Senate campaign (ah, for the days of boxers vs. briefs), there’s also a chance it will buy her some sympathy votes. Not every member of the electorate waxes, after all. Even in Delaware.