Dow Diary: Flat as a Punctured Tire

dowjonesindustrial 72 Dow Diary: Flat as a Punctured TireDear Diary,

I had a flat day. My performance was as flat as a tire that just ran over a nail. It was as flat as the world before Pythagoras and Eratosthenes. It was flat like a bottle of soda that sat open in the sun too long. It was flat like a bad karaoke singer. I’m talking pancake flat. Crepe flat. More flat  than a British apartment.

Obama signed an extension of the Bush tax cuts. The SEC is looking into banks’ mortgage practices again. A lot of other stuff is going on too. But I was flat today. I lost seven points — a loss so small you’d hardly notice it.

I was flat like a table.

See you Monday!

The Dow Jones Industrial Average

Article continues below
More from Politics
Kelly Langschultz will be challenging incumbent state Senator Bob Gordon.
Republican Senate Challenger Announced in New Jersey’s 38th Legislative District