Dear Diary,

I had a flat day. My performance was as flat as a tire that just ran over a nail. It was as flat as the world before Pythagoras and Eratosthenes. It was flat like a bottle of soda that sat open in the sun too long. It was flat like a bad karaoke singer. I’m talking pancake flat. Crepe flat. More flat  than a British apartment.

Obama signed an extension of the Bush tax cuts. The SEC is looking into banks’ mortgage practices again. A lot of other stuff is going on too. But I was flat today. I lost seven points — a loss so small you’d hardly notice it.

I was flat like a table.

See you Monday!

The Dow Jones Industrial Average