"Glee" -- that frustrating zeitgeist of smiley high-schoolers breaking into song -- stars the all-blonde wonder that is Dianna Agron. Can't wait for you to, like, not do this show anymore and have a real role, Dianna. The lucky guy who gets to take her home is some actor named Alex Pettyfer, and it looks like he's wearing the pants and calling the shots. He tells her to fire her manager, agent, and lawyer, and she does so, PAGE SIX reports. How we gonna make all those little girl Gleeks independent women, Dianna?
Meanwhile, GATECRASHER bumped into perpetually be-stubbled fashion guy Marc Jacobs, who recorded something for Diddy's new opus, "Last Train To Paris." What words doth The Marc bestow upon this Diddy piece of art? "I can't remember." What? Go back, Marc! You go way back in your mind. "Something about a train?" Now we're on to something! Could it be..."You're on Diddy's last train to Paris," Jacobs finally conceded. We knew you could do it!
Somewhere, the latest film from attractive-solitary-person-in-a-hotel-room director Sofia Coppola (and Versailles definitely counts as a hotel), stars Stephen Dorff as an attractive solitary person in a hotel room, in this case the Chateau Marmot. Because of her reputation as a hotel-fetishist, Sofia greatly angers hotel owners when she does things at hotels they don't own. Jeff Klein, who owns L.A.'s Sunset Tower hotel, tells PAGE SIX he just can't take it when Sofia graces the Marmot with her presence. She ate dinner at his hotel once, but he wants her all the time. Hey, let her explore multiple hotels and get some new hotel-related script ideas. She needs to make more movies, people!
GATECRASHER was there to witness the bro-ly trinity of Gerard Butler, Owen Wilson, and Val Kilmer throw the fuck down at the Boom Boom Room. What a trio! Hide kids/wives accordingly.
Lydia Hearst, Charles Foster Kane's spiritual descendant and Jay McInerney's stepdaughter, is dating Jurassic Park star, mantra-forgetter and overall genius Jeff Goldblum. PAGE SIX says this angers the socialite's family, because Goldblum is 58. THE OBSERVER says this is the greatest couple on the face of the earth. Have you seen The Big Chill?
Rose McGowan was on hand to watch cinematic wackjob David Lynch discuss the merits of Transcendental Meditation. Too bad she thinks this "oneness" business is a sack of shit. Meditation advocates are "probably lying and drunk," she told GATECRASHER. Take your om... om... om... and shove it!
Fab saw it first. She was wading, bikini barely clung to her voluptuous curvature, as Diddy's hype man did his thing on the mic. There were candles, it was classy -- Diddy doesn't do it any other way, just classy. Feeling it, she leaned back and the lilting flame lapped her curls. Soon all of her locks were spouting fire, and the rapper Fabolous saw it first. "Oh oh oh shit!" the hype man yelled. Oh shit is correct: a girl's hair was on fire. It went out soon, PAGE SIX reports, prompting the relived hype man to ask "Did the camera catch that?
Of course the camera caught it.
GATECRASHER talked to Matt Damon on the carpet of the True Grit premiere. He pushed his Jeff Bridges cowboy impression on them. That's cool and all but we're not sold. We want Matt Damon to do The Dude. Now.
PAGE SIX reports that Sports Illustrated model Jessica Hart is dating shipping magnate and Paris Hilton ex Stavros Niarchos. She's a beautiful girl, this Jessica Hart, but "the media" seems fixated mostly on her teeth, which are parted slightly in the center. Here: photo evidence of the gap teeth. Here: photo evidence that it doesn't matter one bit.
Amber Rose, muse of Kanye, we don't want you to take your sunglasses off. We like you permanently eyewear-clad. Make sure they're big, make sure they're flashy, and make such they stay on. GATECRASHER informs us that Amber Rose left the Garden with Knicks star Amar'e Stoudemire, went to a club, and kept her sunglasses on the whole time. All is right in the world.
Wild five days, right guys? We're catching our breath after all that juiced-up goss, but now it's time to survey the damage. Who's on top? Page Six it seems! They killed it with the Diddy hair-fire absurdity and, well, we really like looking at pictures of Dianna Agron. More pictures of Dianna Agron, Gatecrasher! Some choice scoops and far-out rumors would help, too.
Same time next week guys! Heartsies!