The Official, Predictable Announcement of Grammy Performers Has Arrived

The 53rd annual Grammy Awards are set to take over the Staples Center Feb. 13, and today the academy’s website announced which acts will perform amidst an orgy of undulating rainbow lights, explosions, and hopelessly busy set pieces. 

The choices are, like always, fairly obvious. But how will these performers use their time in the spotlight. A few off-the-cuff predictions: Lady Gaga will dance while balancing a to-scale replica of the MIR Space Station on her head, an Elton-less Eminem will inevitably disappoint, and Katy Perry will continue her assault on subtlety by launching fireworks as she sings “Firework.” Arcade Fire, the only rock band on hand, will be dull in a playing field as stacked as this.

No word on whether the rumors of a Britney Spears performance have any legitimacy. But we’re still holding out hope!

The real wild card on this line-up is Cee-Lo Green, who will be playing song with a title that’s given The New York Times some issues. Good luck with that one, guys working the five second delay!

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