Whatever you think of princess-to-be Kate Middleton, the likeness of her on the Royal Mint's commemorative coin is pretty grim. Supposedly drawn from photos of the couple, the image is unquestionably jacked up. Get yours today, in silver or gold!
The Franklin Mint gets in on the action with an engagement doll. A Wedding Kate will be revealed after the princess's dress is revealed. Gotta love the frankness of the promo. Whose job was it to Photoshop the stick and stand in there?
The Franklin Mint
From—who else—Crown Jewels Condoms, Kate and William prophylactics boxed in a regal shade of purple. But beware: "Crown Jewels Royal Wedding Souvenir Condoms are a novelty condom not suitable for contraception or protection against STDs."
With this anti-commemorative-plate plate, you can cherish the moment while also acknowledging that the economy is going down the tubes and the New Austerity of Gordon Brown is a drag. It's also a nice appetite suppressant.
Sainsbury's, a UK supermarket chain, has a line of clothing. If that weren't impressive enough, they're selling this shirt.
Sylvanian Families offers this Celebration Wedding Set, with William, Kate and their bridal party as rabbits and the reverend represented by a beaver. Beatrix Potter is spinning in her roly-poly pudding.
The sapphire-and-diamond number originally worn by Diana, which William cannily regifted to his own English Rose, has resulted in replica spawn. While some have been crafted from actual gems, nothing says "you'll never be royal" like blue-colored glass.
A forthcoming book called "Knit Your Own Royal Wedding" contains patterns for crafting Kate and William out of yarn. Soft! You can knit their pet corgi, too. And Camilla, if you're into that kind of thing.
Between the robin's egg-blue trim, the carousel-like frame flourishes and the random photo of Kate pursing her lips (at this point it seems like they're purposely making her look worse than William...overcompensating for the receding hair line?), this Aynsley China mug has everything you'd want in kitschy royal kitsch.