Movie Reviews Reviews: Transformers Has New York Critics Feeling Less Than Rosie

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, object of critical scorn.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, object of critical scorn. (Getty Images)

This week, as it so regularly does, New York’s film critic community has united around a single opinion–that Michael Bay’s Transformers: Dark of the Moon is so soul-killingly excessive that it cycles a tiny bit back into entertainment–even their throwaway lines coincide! Consider the following takes, assembled, perhaps, by an “I hate this”-themed set of magnetic poetry, on the film’s rising star Rosie Huntington-Whiteley:

Will Leitch, Yahoo!: “If you were to tell me Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was an entirely CGI creation, with sporadic blinks tossed at random to simulate human activity, I’d be hard-pressed to argue with you.”

Lou Lumenick, New York Post: “But [Shia LaBeouf] still has the hottest girlfriend in town. She’s played by thigh-flashing Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, whose “acting” makes her fired predecessor Megan Fox look like Meryl Streep by comparison.”

David Edelstein, New York, with a throwaway neg: “This is where Dark of the Moon transforms into a war movie, and I don’t care if Huntington-Whiteley does find time to squeeze into several improbable pairs of pants and lacquer her pillowy lips, it’s an in-fucking-credible one.”

Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News: “As for Huntington-Whiteley, she makes an excellent case for the return of Megan Fox in the next installment.”

A. O. Scott, New York Times, with the sort of transcendently labored thematic metaphor that keeps us coming back to the critics even when we know we won’t see Transformers: “The robots and cars are soulful, but her character is purely mechanical, a token of reassurance for viewers reveling in a spectacle of cosmic, brutal, heavy-metal homoeroticism.” :: @DPD_